.....brought to you by Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK: So you were trying to open a pack of gum (EFFORT, RUSTLE) which was sealed tight so that terrorists couldn't put dynamite in it (EFFORT) and you tried to tear it open with your teeth and (CRUNCH, TR PAIN) you broke a tooth, so you called up work and told them (TR PAINED: I'll be late, I broke a tooth) and you went to the dentist and he poked at it with a pick (SHUDDER) and he poked the novocaine needle in your jaw (THWOP) and he drilled out the tooth (DRILL) and it broke (CRUNCH) so he had to drill way down into your neck ( DRILL, HIGH PITCHED) to put in an implant and he screwed in the post (TIGHT RATCHET) and put a tooth on it (POP) and off you went to work with so much novocaine you could hardly talk and you walked into the office (TR: Good morning, Miss Phelps.) (SS: Are you drunk, sir?) And you go to the men's room to throw cold water on your face and you look in the mirror and (TR HORROR) there is a bean in your left nostril (TR: Oh my gosh. How long has that been there???). You had beans for supper last night. (TR: It's been stuck in there for almost 24 hours and nobody said a word????????) How hard would it be for some decent human being to simply say---- You have a bean in your nose, sir.) So you blow the bean out (TR SNORT) and you to the lunch meeting of executive staff (FOOTSTEPS) and the big boss looks up and says (FN: Go make ten copies of this.)
GK: ...and hands you a report. (TR: But I'm Frobisher, sir. I'm a vice-president for corporate relations.) (FN: And make sure they're collated and stapled.) So you go to your office and (SHAKE LOCKED DOOR) it's locked and the nameplate is gone. And there's a note. (TR: "You've been transferred to cubicle 5835"? What???) And you go to cubicle 5835 and ----- (ANGRY SHOUTS) there's some sort of uprising going on ---- the interns are in revolt and you go into the copy room (DOOR SHUT) and with all the interns gone there's nobody to show you how to work the copier and you stick the report in (KA CHUNK) and press the number 10 and Start (BEEPS) and the thing starts up (OMINOUS DEEP TONE) and it starts copying (COPIER) and it's going like crazy (COPIER ACCEL) and the air is full of paper and you smell smoke (TR PANIC) and you're pressing the Cancel button and the Off button (COPIER ACCEL) and the copier keeps going faster and faster until (COPIER GRINDING, CRUNCHING) it starts eating itself up and spitting out red-hot parts and you grab the fire extinguisher and (HIGH PRESSURE SPRAY) it comes to a stop (COPIER GRINDING TO HALT) and the fire alarm goes off (KLAXON) and it feels like a good time to leave (DOOR SLAM, RUNNING FEET) and you head home (FOOTSTEPS, TR GROANING) and you get in the shower (SHOWER) and that feels good (SHOWER) and you get out (SHOWER STOP) and reach for a towel and --- - wait a minute. (TR SURPRISE) Your initials aren't J.L.B. (TR: This isn't my house.) (FN: Hands in the air, clown. CLICK OF GUN HAMMER) and he's holding a shotgun...
GK: ... and minutes later (SIREN) you're on your way to the courthouse where (SHOUTS OF PHOTOGRAPHERS, REPORTERS) a crowd of reporters watches you being hauled naked from the squad car and into the pokey where they throw you in the drunk tank (FN DRUNK: Are you naked or are your clothes really baggy?) and it's midnight when you finally get home (DOOR OPEN, CLOSE, TV AUDIO) and there's your wife sitting on the sofa in her Snoopy sleepshirt watching your arrest on the evening news. (SS: Jack? We need to talk.) (TR: Oh no.) (THEME)
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing takes the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth quite like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
One little thing can revive a guy, And that is home-made rhubarb pie. Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie. Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.