GK: Our sound effects man Fred Newman is looking forward to his summer vacation when he goes to his weekend home in Connecticut, and he can play golf at the Breakers Country Club (SURF, BIRDS) and afterward he lies in his hammock (CREAKING) in the yard, an automated waterbed hammock Fred designed with a computer that creates an invisible fence that keeps dogs away (DOG BARKS, BUMPS, WHINE) and keeps neighbor children away (FN ROBOT: STAY AWAY FROM THE HAMMOCK. APPROACH AT YOUR OWN RISK. BEWARE OF THE IRATE HOMEOWNER) with laser beams (SFX), that control the lawn sprinkler (SFX) so the spray doesn't touch the hammock and the drone that (SFX) kills deerflies (FLY, ZAP). Fred's personal assistant the beautiful Leilani Monongahela comes with a bottle of white wine (CORKSCREW, FN LADY: This is the 1997 Pinot Gris with the bouquet of avocado and viola and the long rustic finish of limestone and lime Jell-O and limited liability) and it's a beautiful life in Connecticut. A few miles away is that whole foxhunting crowd (HORN, HOUNDS, HORSES WHINNY) and that old money (FN MALE IVY HONK) and their neurotic dogs (SFX) and their wives who are all into medieval music (SFX) but at Fred's estate, it's very quiet because that's what a sound effects man needs on his summer vacation ---- the least small sound can drive him crazy (DRIPPING) like this one----- (FN CRY OF FURY, BANGING HAMMER. SILENCE. FN: Good.) ----
GK: ...or this one (MOWER IN PASSING, TURNS AND----- HOWITZER, EXPLOSION. FN: That'll teach him) ---- a little breeze in the trees is fine (SFX) and a songbird or two (SFX) and the crickets of course (SFX) but not this (MOSQUITO WHINE. SLAP. WHINE. SLAP.) Because Fred hates mosquitoes. And the other thing that bothers Fred are animals who don't know how to do their own calls. (DOG BARK, WRONG. FN: CUT IT OUT!!!! THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES. DO IT LIKE THIS. (CORRECT BARK) FN DOG: That's what I did. FN: No, you didn't. You did this. (BAD BARK) Animals that grow up away from others of their specie do not learn speech. It's true. The great woolly mammoth, for example ---- the Bronx Zoo only has one and it doesn't sound right. (BAD MAMMOTH BELLOW) So Fred has to teach it to vocalize. (FN BELLOW). And also the humpback whale at the Connecticut Aquarium, there's only room for one in the tank and she never learned to sing (BAD WHALE VOCAL) and Fred had to teach her ----- FN: You're a girl. Sing. Like this. (WHALE VOCAL) Anyway, it's mostly peaceful in Connecticut in the summer. A sound effects man can relax in his waterbed hammock (SFX) swinging gently under the trees and listening to the distant owl. (CROW) FN: HEY! YOU'RE NOT A CROW. YOU'RE AN OWL!) OWL: Who? FN: You. (OWL CRY) FN: THAT'S BETTER.