GK: We're in Atlanta. A city of parades (BAGPIPES), of dog lovers and their dog parks (SFX), skateboarders (SFX), and patio dining. (FLY, WHACK, FLY) The Georgia Aquarium is here with more than 120,000 animals including humpback whales (SFX) and dolphins ("WELL, SHUT MY MOUTH") A city where you can get a torrential downpour from out of nowhere (SFX) and people just keep running through it (SQUEAKY SHOES)
This was an interesting week for me. I had a brain seizure the other day --- there are several kinds, the seashore seizure, which is sort of poetic ------
TR (BRIT): I must go down to the sea again,
To the lonely sea and the sky....
GK: And there is the leisure seizure which happens on the day you retire as you tee up the ball at the first hole----
TR: Oh boy. I've been looking forward to this for years and years------ Ohhhhhhh------ (GROAN)
SS: Jack?? Jack????
GK: And there is the Caesar seizure which is the pure lust for power.....
TR (TRUMP): I am gonna be the greatest president ever and it's gonna be tremendous and we're gonna get her done, believe me, and whip those Chinese into shape and build the wall and ---- ohhhhh ----- where is everybody? What are those bright lights??? Who are you?
GK: And then there is the ordinary geezer seizure, that's what I had ---- it happened during a tennis match (LONG SLOW VOLLEY) and as I volleyed I heard the voice of my high school English teacher Miss Rathbun (SS REPEATS IN TEMPO OF VOLLEY: Subject and predicate must agree. Subject and predicate must agree. Subject and predicate must agree. Subject and predicate must agree ) and I was 17 again and I was writing poetry---- (FN: I must be myself and walk into this dark world of ignorance while others laugh and dance, they don't understand how could they, I am alone in this cave, walking deeper and deeper---- GK: I am alone in this cave, walking deeper and deeper, and living in this stupid poem, why am I thinking this, because my brain has been seized, that is why) (CHORD) and I was sent to the Mayo Clinic, not the one in Minnesota, the one in Ireland, where they do magical thinking ---- (GLISS) TR IRISH: Ah me fine fellow, we sprinkle you with the fairy dust (GLISS) and we do our little dance (HE SINGS DEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE) and we pour the whiskey on you and we give you the M.R.I. ------
GK: M.R.I. in Ireland is the Magical Revival Instrument, which of course is the fiddle (FIDDLE, HORNPIPE, TAP DANCING FEET, FN & TR RHYTHMIC WHEEs) and they try to get you to dance, which I didn't do, and so they sent me (WHOOSH) to the Clinic in Minnesota where they did the M.R.I. the kind where you go into the cyclotron and it makes ominous sounds (FN, TR LOW: OH NO. OH MY. OH DEAR. OH NO. OH MY. SS HIGH RISING SING: You're going crazy. You're going crazy. Losing your mind. Goodbye mind.) and afterward the neurologist looks at the images (TR RUSSIAN: Hmmm. Uh huh. Hmmmm. Okay. Ahhhh.) and he talks to you about what he sees (TR RUSSIAN) and it's hard to make out exactly what he's saying but it does seem to be serious (TR RUSSIAN SOBS) but he cares, you can see that he cares, and he offers you a pill but it doesn't sound like a happy pill at all (TR RUSSIAN DESPAIR) so you say no, Nyet, and he pours two glasses of vodka (SFX) and you toast each other (CLINK) and toss it back (GULPS) and stomp on them (GLASS SMASH) and that's it. And off I went to Atlanta. And I called a therapist here who sounded good.
FN: Happy to see you, sweetheart. Come on by.
GK: Now?
FN: Any old time, sweetheart. I'm on Peachtree & Peachtree.
GK: Peachtree Street.
FN: it's near there. It's Peachtree Court & Peachtree Lane.
GK: Is that off Peachtree Square?
FN: it's off Peachtree Place. Take East Peachtree Road to Peachtree Way and turn left where it forms a V with Old Peachtree Street. One block past Peachpit Street. You can't miss it.
GK: I think I can, actually. So I came straight to the Fox Theater. And when you come into the lobby of the Fox. (BUGLE FANFARE), it is so magnificent that it cures whatever ails you. Elephants (SFX) and artillery (SFX) and men on horseback (SFX) and you can't help but feel heroic.
(AIDA INTRO, W BUGLES)
CD/GK (SING): We've come to do a show
That's so amazing you may wet your pants
And maybe you'll pass out
And your friends will have to call 9 1 1.
There may be strobe lights flashing here (SFX)
There may be sudden gunfire bursts (SFX)
And there may be suggestive innuendo (WHEE)
And the use of alcohol and drugs.
GK/CD (SING, MARCH):
We have tried to do clean shows before
And nobody cared, nobody tuned in, listenership was down, it was down, it was flat.
So one day we stripped down to our underwear
And listenership was up, fifty-eight percent, people cared, people tuned in to see.
So today we'll do a show
In which we burn some Catholics at the stake (SFX)
And throw some Protestants
Into dens to be devoured by lions (SFX)
And then we'll force some Baptists to dance (GUNSHOTS, DANCING)
And Unitarians to say the Lord's prayer (MURMURS)
And then at the show's conclusion
We'll stick a plug in Donald Trump.
TR (TRUMP): No way, Jose. You are not going to----- get away from me---- I will not (POP, GURGLES, MUMBLES)
Our show is brought to you
By Powdermilk and Ketchup and by Rhubarb Pie
And by this radio station
Though we alone are responsible for it's content.
And if you are offended, my dear,
By the snakes that we release onstage(SFX)
And the bats who fly around in the dark (SFX)
And the lion walking up and down the aisles (SFX)
Talk to our producer over there. (GONG)