GK: I was in Seattle on Tuesday, a city I love because the people remind me of who I used to want to be --- young, hip, adventurous, smart ---- and not this lumbering galoot I've become ----Plus which I like rain, I like grandeur. The mountains. The sea.
TR: (HEROICALLY)
I must go down to the sea again, the sea is what I want,
Waves crashing on the shore and a fine restaurant
With a view of the sky and the rocky coast and the line of ships processing
And a dry white wine and a spinach salad with a vinaigrette dressing.
GK: St. Paul, Minnesota, can never be Seattle, as it says in the limerick:
A young fellow from Puget Sound
Moved to St. Paul and he found
It was dreadfully flat
And the food was old hat
And the coffee improperly ground.
GK: Minnesota is the land of herdsmen. (CATTLE) Even if you're in marketing or IT, still you're a herdsman (SHEEP) whereas Seattleites are fishermen (BOAT, RIGGING, WAVES, SHOUTS OF CREW) ----- TR: THAR HE BLOWS---- OFF THE STARBOARD BOW, CAP'N!!!! ---- HE HURLS HARPOON, STRIKES FLESH, SHRIEK OF WHALE----- TR; GOT IM! ----
It's the home of Boeing, so Seattle people are aviators at heart, and even when they start up a lawnmower, they imagine they're at the controls of a fighter plane aboard an aircraft carrier (LAWN MOWER STARTING)
TR: (JOHN WAYNE) Here I come, Mr. Tojo! With a little present from the folks back home. Hope you get a big bang out of it. (REV AND AWAY)
GK: Seattle people live with the knowledge that they live atop an enormous fault like, the Cascadian fault ---- there was an earthquake there on Monday but the big one is yet to come and when it does, experts say it'll be the worst natural disaster in the history of North America, and that's why people in Seattle live more intensely than the rest of us. A man walks into the bedroom at night and ----
SS: (BREATHY) I've been waiting. What took you so long?
FN: I felt the ground shake.
SS: You make my ground shake. Get in here. Don't make me beg.
GK: Whereas in Minnesota, a man comes to bed and ----
SS: So----
TR: Yeah----
SS: Is the cat in?
TR: I didn't know she was out.
SS: I thought you said she wanted to go out.
TR: I didn't let her out. Did you?
SS: No.
TR: So she's in.
SS: You're sure?
TR: You want me to go check?
SS: Not unless you might've let her out.
TR: I just said I didn't.
SS: Well, don't get angry about it. It's cold out. I just hate to think of her spending the night outdoors. I mean, she's fourteen years old.
TR: Okay, I'll go find her and make sure she's in.
SS: If you didn't let her out, then she's in.
TR: I'll go find her.
SS: Okay. Whatever. No need to get upset about it. It's just a simple thing, either she is or she's not----
TR: Here. I found her. (MEOW) Okay? Can I come to bed now?
GK: We're herdsmen is who we are. People in Seattle are navigators, explorers----
SS: Oh thank God you've returned, Eric. (GASP) You have blood on your face----
TR: Only a flesh wound, my darling. I was riding my bike home and out in the front yard was a man named Homer who is in love with you and I had to fight him off.
SS: Oh yes. I meant to tell you about him. Oh dear. Your nose is all bent---
TR: Here. Let me straighten it. (RRRAKK) There.
SS: There's a bone sticking out of your left nostril.
TR: Oh. Right. (KRRACK) There.
SS: Wonderful. Come. To bed, my darling. I feel the ground trembling. We have no time to waste.
GK: That's Seattle. People living with the knowledge that the big one might be just around the corner. The earthquake on Monday shook loose some bricks on buildings downtown (SFX), made some cracks in the pavement (SFX), and the giant drill Big Bertha that's digging a tunnel under downtown came to a stop (SFX) and the patrons in the restaurant on top of the Space Needle got a little alarmed (SFX) as it swayed and the clam chowder spilled out of the bowls (SFX) and people on the elevator were bouncing off the walls (SFX) and so when I went out for a walk on Tuesday, people were asking me about Minnesota.
SS: So what's it like to live there? It's cold, right?
GK: Sometimes. But it's solid. The earth doesn't shake. Because it's frozen.
SS: How's the coffee?
GK: It's okay.
SS: Is everyone Lutheran?
GK: In a sense, they are, yes.
SS: They're very earnest people, right?
GK: There's a lot of sincerity, that's true. You'll find about 31% less irony in Minnesota than in Seattle.
SS: You're kidding.
GK: I'm not.
SS: Guess I'll stay here then.
GK: Good luck. And good luck to all of our friends in Seattle. We take our hats off to you, living on that precarious rocky shelf that is tensing like a coiled spring, just waiting to ----- (JIGGLING, GLASSWARE SHAKING, LOW RUMBLES) ---- what is that? Never mind. A salute to Seattle.
(BAND BIG PLAYOFF)
(MUSIC UP BIG)