My love is like a red red rose
That's newly sprung in June,
My love is like the melodie
That's sweetly played in tune.
SS: Did you hear what I just said?
TR: Hear what?
SS: What I just said.
TR: No.
SS: I just feel like you aren't listening half the time. It makes
me feel invisible.
TR: What did you say?
SS: I said, it makes me feel invisible.
TR: Before that.
SS: I said, Are you going to eat all that?
TR: All what?
SS: That huge steak.
TR: You want some?
SS: No, it just seems like a lot of steak for one person. It's not a steak, it's a roast.
TR: I like steak.
SS: I guess so. Here---- you want a tissue?
TR: Why would I want a tissue?
SS: Guess.
TR: Oh. ---- No, I've got a handkerchief.
SS: I have a tissue right here. Here.
TR: I'm okay. (HE HONKS NOSE) There.
SS: I offered you a clean tissue, why can't you take it? Do you not notice me here?
TR: What did you say?
SS: Never mind.
TR: What's the problem?
SS: Don't worry about it. Eat your steak.
TRIO HUM A HALF VERSE
CD: When are you going to be back?
FN: I don't know. Why?
CD: I'd just like to know.
FN: Well, I don't know.
CD: You're just going to put gas in the car, right?
FN: Right----
CD: Well? You're not going to drop in at the hardware store, are you?
FN: No.
CD: So how long does it take to get gas?
FN: I don't know. What's the urgency?
CD: You can't give me your E.T.A.? What? It's a secret?
FN: Why make a big issue out of it?
CD: You planning to go visit somebody?
FN: Since when do I have to file a flight plan to leave the house? Huh?
CD: Never mind.
FN: I'll be back when I'm back.
CD: Never mind.
Come live with me and be my love
Midst valleys, woods, and fields,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That this brief summer yields.
And we will sit upon the rocks
By shallow waterfalls,
And listen to melodious flocks
Of birds sing madrigals.
SS: You need a bigger pan than that.
TR: For just these hash browns?
SS: You need a bigger pan. Here.
TR: Do you want to take over here?
SS: Here's a bigger pan. Use this one.
TR: Why?
SS: You put all those hash browns in that little pan, they spill out on the stove, they burn, I have to clean it, it takes a long time to clean burnt crust off a stove.
TR: Do you mind? I know what I'm doing.
SS: Okay. Do what you're going to do.
TR: I used to cook a lot until I married you.
SS: What is that supposed to mean?
TR: It means I am capable of making my own breakfast.
SS: And who's going to clean up afterwards?
TR: Okay, I'll just put a couple frozen waffles in the toaster. Will you let me do that much?
SS: You can't take any constructive criticism?
TR: Oh please.
SS: I mean it.
O love's an ever-fixed mark
By tempests never shaken
The star to every wandr'ing bark
Whose depth has not been taken
CD: I thought you said you were hungry.
GK: I was.
CD: So I made you shrimp and grits. What's wrong?
GK: I ate some and now I'm not hungry anymore. Okay?
CD: Well, I wish you would've told me and I wouldn't have made so many. I just hate to waste food, that's all.
GK: I'll put it in the fridge and eat it for breakfast.
CD: You say that and then days pass and I have to throw it away.
GK: Could we let go of this?
CD: I'm just saying, don't say you're hungry if you're not hungry.
GK: Look, you come from a family of big eaters. I'm not a big eater.
CD: I come from a family of pigs. Is that what you're saying?
GK: Oh please.
CD: Is that what you meant to say? Me and my swine herd relatives?
GK: Just drop it.
CD: I'd like to drop one on you is what I'd like to drop.
Love is not love that alters
When it alteration finds
It is an ever-fixed mark
The marriage of true minds.
SS: Who was that on the phone?
FN: A friend of mine.
SS: Who?
FN: A friend. You don't know him.
SS: It sounded like a woman's voice.
FN: He has a high-pitched voice. So?
SS: What did he or she call about?
FN: Am I under oath here?
SS: Do I need to put you under oath?
FN: Okay, it was Julie.
SS: Julie!!! Why didn't you say so?
FN: I didn't want to get into a big thing about it.
SS: Julie!! I haven't heard that name in a long time.
FN: She's moving to Austin, Texas.
SS: Well, how nice. Anyway you'll still have her phone number.
FN: There never was anything between her and me. Never.
SS: I never said there was. Why so defensive?
FN: Let's just drop it, okay?
SS: Fine. Dropped. .....Julie.
FN: Just leave it there, okay?
SS: Sure. (HIGH SIGH OF MOCK LONGING) Oh Julie----
I will make you brooches
And toys for your delight
Of bird-song at morning
And star-shine at night
And this shall be for music
When no one else is near
A fine song for singing that only you shall hear.
SS: Why don't you put that away?
TR: What?
SS: The dish towel.
TR: I'm still using it.
SS: You set it down on the counter. It doesn't belong on the counter.
TR: I'm going to use it.
SS: For what?
TR: To wipe off a dish after I wash it.
SS: Then do it. Don't just drop it on the counter.
TR: What is the problem?
SS: You always drop things wherever you feel like it and guess who has to pick them up and put them where they belong? Me.
TR: I'll put it away when I'm done with it.
SS: Okay. Never mind.
TR: Where did this OCD come from about dish towels?
SS: Okay. Do whatever you want. Throw it on the floor. Jump up and down on it.
TR: You want me to jump up and down on a dish towel?
SS: Whatever turns you on.
TR: Okay, I'm hanging the dish towel on the hook. Okay? Does that make you happy?
SS: I'm tired of picking up after you.
TR: I promise to never touch it again.
SS: I'm going out. Goodbye.
TR: When are you coming back?
SS: When I come back. (DOOR SLAM)
The voice of my beloved
Comes leaping o'er the hills
Rise up, my love, and come away,
For lo the winter's past.
SS: I was looking over the Visa statement and I saw a charge of a couple hundred bucks at the hardware store. What was that for? Do you remember?
TR: I haven't been to the hardware store for months.
SS: Well, this was from last October.
TR: You're scouring our financial records from six months ago?
SS: Five months ago.
TR: What is this, a criminal investigation?
SS: I'm just curious to know what we're spending our money on.
TR: "Our" money? When did it all become "our" money? I think that most of it is my money.
SS: That was a low blow, mister. I'm going to remember that.
TR: I bought a fishing rod. Okay?
SS: Another fishing rod?
TR: I like to fish.
SS: You went fishing about two times last summer.
TR: Maybe I'd go more often if I had a decent rod.
SS: But two-hundred bucks??
TR: It's a fly rod.
SS: Since when did you take up fly fishing?
TR: I never had the right equipment before.
SS: You planning to move to Colorado?
TR: I wasn't until we started to have this conversation.
SS: I don't have a right to know what you spend money on?
TR: I respectfully decline to answer the question under advice from counsel.
SS: So we're not partners, I'm just an indentured servant who makes your meals and cleans your house and has sex with you on demand.
TR: I respectfully decline to answer under my Fifth Amendment rights.
SS: So this is the end of this conversation?
TR: I respectfully decline to answer that question.
Tell me why the stars do shine
Tell me why the ivy twines
Tell me why the sky's so blue
And I will tell you just why I love you.