GK: So you're in San Francisco in January. You've come to try to put your marriage back together after you threw your shoe at the TV when the field-goal kicker missed from the 27 and the Vikings lost to Seattle (CRY OF HORROR, THROW, GLASS SMASH---- SS (OFF): Bob? What was that?
So you shell out for a nice hotel room (SURF, SEAGULLS) looking out at the Pacific and you make a reservation for two at a fancy restaurant at Seal House and you make the mistake of driving there in your rental car, which is a manual transmission.
SS: What are you doing? The street goes straight up!! (CAR REVS)
TR: Trust me. (REV AND CAR HEADS UP STEEP HILL)
SS: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
TR: It's okay, it's okay.
SS: Why are you stopping????
TR: There's a stop sign!! (BRAKES)
SS: The car is perpendicular!
TR: It's okay.
SS: Don't take your foot off the brake, the car is going to----- (REV, SQUEAL OF TIRES, CAR JUMPS FORWARD, THEN DINGING)
SS: Stop! Stop! Cable car. STOP! (BRAKES, CABLE CAR GOES DINGING PAST, GRINDING, SQUEALING)
TR: Okay. Here we go. (REV)
SS: I can't see the street. We're on the edge of a cliff.
TR: It's a hill. It's there. Trust me, it's there.
SS: Let me out of the car. I'm walking. (REV, BRIDGE)
GK: But you make it to the restaurant. And the waiter is pouring you a glass of wine.
FN: This is the '98, which has an elegant structure-with a palate that's complex and energetic but at the same time introspective with a lingering finish of boysenberries, leather and pencil shavings. You'll like it. (POURING)
GK: And you do. You like it so much that you finish off the whole thing. (BELCH) And you feel the lure of the sea. (FOGHORN) And you run down into the water (SURF), and you are shocked by how cold it is (TR GASP OF HORROR) and you've lost all feeling in your body, you're unable to move your arms and legs (TR: Help!) and suddenly there are sea lions all around you (SEA LIONS). And they carry you with their flippers (SFX) and take you up on the rocks (SFX) where they surround you with their warm bodies (SFX), and you are very grateful. (TR: THANK YOU, WALRUSES) And they are surprised that you called them walruses. They try to explain (SEA LIONS: WE ARE NOT WALRUSES) But you don't get it. They do their impression of walruses (SFX) and then they do sea lion (SFX) so you can tell the difference. But you can't. (TR: I OWE MY LIFE TO YOU GUYS. I AM A WALRUS, KOO KOO CA CHOO) And so they decide to kill you and eat you. (SFX) And they might've done it, but a dolphin comes (DOLPHIN). A rescue dolphin. (DOLPHIN). And he carries you up on the shore. But where are you? (SURF) There are no lights anywhere. And then a bright light out of the sky. (HELICOPTER) It's the Coast Guard. Hovering overhead. You raise your arms and wave at them (TR: Down here!), forgetting that waving your arms is the signal for "I'm ok"-and so they give you the thumbs up and head back. (HELICOPTER FADING, PIANO RHYTHM). Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb Pie? Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK:
(SINGS)
One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.