GK: You've often heard this announcement when you call up a service desk at a large business.
FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...
GK: Why? Monitored by whom? What will happen to the recording? The assurance of what quality? What can you do to protect your privacy? Here's a tip from Earl's Academy of Accents: simply change your voice each time you hear that message so that whoever is studying these recordings won't realize it's you. Try a deep growly voice.
TR: I'd like to return a pair of pajamas.
GK: A high squeaky voice.
TR: I'd like two tickets to the 3 o'clock matinee.
GK: A Swedish accent.
TR: I wish to complain about your work on my lower molars.
GK: A French accent.
TR: Monsieur, I wish to reserve a table for two at seven p.m.
GK: A western accent.
TR (WAYNE): I need to make an appointment with Dr. O'Hara.
GK: Accents are much easier to learn than languages and they bestow the same benefits of status. This accent, for example, marks you as a dummy.
TR (MINN): Yeah, you know I grew up in Wisconsin and I knew as long as I talked like this I was always gonna be a dishwasher.
TR (RUSSIAN): So I learned to talk like this and now I am a poet and expressing the dark music of my soul. I still wash dishes but now I can feel the tragedy of it, the injustice.
GK: Earl's Academy of Accents.
HM (SINGS): We can improve whatever you say
At E---A---A.
FN: ....and
GK: Does it get your goat, the idea that they are recording you? Do you imagine what might come of it?
TR (GERMAN): Mrs. Swanson, you called for the overthrow of the government. Is that right?
SS: I called about an overcoat you sent me. It was covered with lint. Nothing about the government.
TR (GERMAN): We have the recording. We heard what you said.
SS: It was about an overcoat.
TR (GERMAN): Take her away. Jahwohl. (MARCH FEET OFF)
GK: Recordings are being made of you and there is nothing you can do about it. Or is there? The next time you hear that message....
FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...
GK: Disguise your voice so it won't be recognized.
TR (SQUEAKY): I'd like to order the Szechuan chicken with brown rice and an egg roll.
GK: And the next time you hear it....
FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...
GK: Disguise your voice in an entirely different way.
TR (SOUTHERN): I just called to see if my dry cleaning might be ready to pick up about now.
GK: Every time you talk on the phone to someone you don't know, disguise your voice.
TR (CAPOTE): Hello, I saw your ad for an asphalt tamper for sale. Is that also a rammer-jammer? I need to do some asphalt tamping but I also need the ramming part.
GK: And for extra safety, get the Voice Changer from Fritz Electronics. Even your best friends won't know it's you.
TR (W FN PARALLEL, LO & HI): Hi Sue, is Ron there?
SS: Who is this?
TR (W FN): It's me, Sue. I want to talk to Ron.
SS: Is this a joke?
TR (W FN): I have to be careful, Sue. They record everything now, you know. Anyway, may I talk to Ron?
SS: I don't know who this is. I'm hanging up.
TR (W FN): So you're on their side, Sue. Is that it? I thought so. There always was something about you.....
GK: Don't be monitored and recorded unless you want to be. It's the (TR DARTH: Voice changer) from Fritz.