GK: .....right after this message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique.
(PIANO)
SS: Why can't I find a man who is kind and smart and who thinks about other people and isn't a selfish jerk?
GK: It's true. When you date, you meet a lot of jerks.
FN: HEY! COME ON!!! I was kidding when I called you a fat pig! That's just me! It's how I talk! Come on.
GK: Or you meet creeps.
FN: I have a trust fund of just under four million dollars. You want to know what that pays me every month? Do you?
GK: If you're looking for a smart caring man, you're looking for a man who owns a cat. (MEOW) And it's easy to find him with this cat hair detector from Bertha's. (GEIGER COUNTER BEEPS)
SS: Wow. Hi. My name is Constance.
FN: Fantastic. Wow yourself. I love that dress. Orange is my favorite color. And --- excuse me but I don't think that's your hair on the skirt. I'm guessing Persian.
SS: You have a cat too, don't you?
FN: Persian. Female. Yours?
SS: Male.
FN: Neutered?
SS: Of course not. I would never do that to any man.
GK: A cat hair detector from Bertha's ---- it guides you straight to people as nice as you.
FN (SINGS): You can't go wrong with a man who has a cat.
So look for the cat hair on his lap.
Bertha's Kitty Boutique.