PHONE RING 3x
GK: Hello?
SS: Duane, it's your mother.
GK: Hi, Mom.
SS: How are you?
GK: I'm fine. Where are you? I hear traffic sounds.
SS: I'm in the car.
GK: You're on the phone while you're driving? That's against the law.
SS: It's okay. I'm almost there.
GK: Almost where?
SS: You'll see.
GK: Where are you on your way to?
SS: What's the matter? Make you nervous?
GK: Are you on your way to my house?
SS: I'm on Interstate 94, just crossing the river.
GK: Mom, I told you, I need some notice.
SS: Just going to pop by for a minute-- Can't a mom surprise her son whom she loves, for gosh sakes?
GK: I told you I need some notice.
SS: This is notice.
GK: More notice.
SS: Is there someone at your house right now, Duane --?
GK: Mom, I just need some privacy. Okay? Everyone needs some personal space.
SS: Is this the girl you were telling me about a month ago? Jessica?
GK: Jennifer? No, it's not.
SS: Oh, so you've moved on, huh? Well, spring is around the corner, isn't it. Those hormones are kicking in.
GK: Could you please just get off the freeway and take back streets? Just give me fifteen minutes.
SS: I hear you rushing around throwing stuff into closets. So you're not a great housekeeper. Honey, I knew that already. Your bedroom was like a swamp. Some things don't change.
GK: Just give me some time, okay?
SS: Tell her to put a bathrobe on and I'll just pop in and use the toilet and leave this hotdish I made for you and I'm out of there, no questions asked.
GK: She's fully dressed, Mom. It's not that.
SS: Oh darn. So there's not even a little panky going on?
GK: She's my neighbor, Mom. She came over to practice a duet. We're singing in church tomorrow.
SS: Oh, church, huh? When did this begin?
GK: Well, she invited me, so I'm going.
SS: And is she attractive, Duane?
GK: Yes.
SS: Aha. I get the picture. Put her on the phone, Duane.
GK: Mom, please----
SS: I want to talk to her.
GK: Mom----
SS: Put her on the phone. Now. Otherwise I'm coming in and I'm staying the weekend.
GK: Serena? (PHONE RUMBLE) Here. It's my mom.
KP: Hello?
SS: Serena, darling, it's Duane's mother and I just want to thank you for making him feel special. Duane has been very isolated for a long time and so his social skills are not what you'd expect of a man his age, but you sensed the need and now you're there and ---- I say this as a mother, I am deeply grateful ---- you're not a mother, are you, Serena?
KP: No, I'm not.
SS: Good. And how old are you, darling?
KP: I'm 27.
SS: Perfect. May I ask a personal question?
KP: Yes?
SS: You've never had a problem of an ovarian nature, have you? You ovulate regularly? Make eggs, I mean. Hello?
KP: Yes?
SS: Was that a question, Serena, or an answer.
KP: An answer.
SS: Good. I'm glad. One more thing about Duane ----- he is extremely shy. He may need some encouragement and guidance. If you know what I mean. So what are you going to sing in church tomorrow?
KP: Sweet Hour of Prayer.
SS: That's a mother's hymn, Serena. That's what motherhood is about. It is a life of constant prayer. Sing me a verse of it, Serena.
KP: Now? Over the phone?
SS: I want to hear you and Duane sing together----
You can learn so much about a couple by how they sing together.
KP: Okay. (PIANO)
KP/GK:
Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care
And bids me at my Mother's throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
SS: Let me take it----(SHE SINGS)
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the tempter's snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
A---------------MEN.
SS: Thank you.
GK: Mom?
SS: I don't want to talk to you. Give me Serena.
GK: Mom, what is going on here?
SS: I was going to ask you that. Give the phone to Serena.
KP: Hello?
SS: What are you doing after church tomorrow?
KP: What are we doing after-----
SS: Don't ask him, honey. He hasn't a clue. Ask me. What you're going to do is come out here for dinner. You're not a vegan, are you?
KP: No?
SS: Was that a question or an answer?
KP: An answer.
SS: Good. Pot roast and potatos and Brussel sprouts and strawberry shortcake. Sound good?
KP: That's fine. One thing you should know about me, though? I'm from the south. From Nashville. I've got big hair and a lot of cheap jewelry and tight jeans and a dramatic blouse.
SS: You're perfect, honey. You're a godsend. See you tomorrow.
KP: Want to talk to Duane?
SS: Not at all. I'm just pulling up in the driveway now. Is that your car? With the Vanderbilt University bumper sticker?
KP: Yes, ma'am.
SS: It's mom, not ma'am. Mom. What did you major in, honey?
KP: I got my doctor of jurisprudence.
SS: You're a lawyer.
KP: Yes, ma'am.
SS: Mom. You're the answer to prayer, Serena. See you in one minute. Bye now.
KP: Bye.
HANG UP