(THEME)
TR: Everyone is familiar with the Minnesota stereotype.....taciturn men, emotionally repressed women, passive aggressive Scandinavian, hotdish, cold weather, don't make a big deal ---- but stereotypes don't really describe us......as we find out now as we join ---- THE MARTINS OF MINNEAPOLIS... (QUIET CAFE AMBIENCE)
GK: What's on your mind?
KATE: Right now?
GK: Yes.
KATE: Nothing.
GK: How can you think nothing?
KATE: Why do you ask a question like that??
GK: You sit there and don't say anything---- it makes me feel like you don't want to be with me.
KATE: Of course I want to be with you.
TR: Pardon----- would you two care to order? Ma'am----
KATE: You ready to order?
GK: You go ahead.
KATE: I'd like the ribeye steak, medium rare, and a side of creamed spinach. And a glass of Cabernet.
TR: Very good. Sir?
GK: The Cobb salad ---- does that have bacon bits in it?
TR: Yes, sir.
GK: Could I have that without the bacon bits?
TR: Yes, of course.
GK: But is the salad already made?
TR: Yes, sir.
GK: So the bacon bits are already in it?
TR: Yes, but I'll take them out. And the chicken.
GK: No, that's all right. I'll have the hummus and I'll have the chopped salad.
TR: Very good.
GK: There's no bacon or anything in it, right?
TR: Right.
GK: Good. And the lettuce isn't genetically modified, is it?
TR: I'll ask the chef.
GK: Thanks. And could you put the dressing on the side?
TR: Certainly. And what to drink?
GK: Water.
TR: Tap or bottled?
GK: Tap.
TR: Okay. (FOOTSTEPS AWAY)
KATE: Excuse me? Sir?
TR (OFF): Yes?
KATE: I'd like to change my order and get the spinach salad and the tofu entree.
TR (OFF): You don't want the ribeye?
KATE: I changed my mind. Thanks.
GK: It's okay. You can have the ribeye ---- If that's what you need. Knock yourself out.
KATE: No, I don't want it.
GK: I really don't mind. If you have your heart set on meat, I don't want to stand in your way.
KATE: I'll have the tofu.
GK: If you're doing that for my benefit, really, don't. I'm around carnivores all the time. My whole family--- you know----
KATE: Please. I'm fine.
GK: Cow comes down a chute, some migrant worker puts a shotgun shell into its brain, they wrap a chain around the hind leg, hoist it up, gut the thing, strip the hide----- that's my family. They call it juice, it's blood, but who cares----
TR: You want the tofu?
KATE: Yes, please.
TR: Very good.
(FOOTSTEPS AWAY. PAUSE)
GK: Notice anything different about me?
KATE: Your hair?
GK: No.
KATE: Eye shadow?
GK: It's not eye shadow, it's mascara---- no---- this tie clasp? Remember this?
KATE: The one with the emerald on it?
GK: It's not an emerald, it's an agate. You gave this to me. You don't remember?
KATE: I sort of remember.
GK: We were in Vermont. I can't believe you don't remember. Do you remember what day next Monday is?
KATE: Next Monday?
GK: It's the anniversary of the day you asked me to come to Boston with you and meet your parents.
KATE: Oh. Right. So what do you want to do?
GK: What do you mean?
KATE: On Monday---- to celebrate.
GK: Monday is my book club ---- Hello???
KATE: Oh right.
GK: First Monday of the month.....been doing it for fifteen years......ring a bell?
KATE: Oh. Okay. What's the book?
GK: It's nothing you'd be interested in.
KATE: Oh.
GK: It's called "Dark Reflections"----- it's by Monica Mays Morrisey
KATE: I tried to read her last one, and, I donno. I just couldn't get into it.
GK: Well, it's very complex writing. Don't worry about it.
KATE: I'm not worried about it.
GK: Anyway, it doesn't matter.
(silence)
TR: Here's your tofu. And spinach salad. Sir---- your hummus. And chopped salad.
GK: And I ordered tap water.
TR: Oh. Right. I'll be right back.
GK: I think we have a problem.
KATE: What?
GK: I'm just wondering if we need to get help--- there just seems to be a big blank between us.
KATE: Oh come on!
GK: I'm just being honest.
(FN OFF)
FN: Kenny!!!! Oh my god.
GK: Oh my god. Chuck! (BIG HUG) It's so good to see you. You have lost weight.
FN: Have not!
GK: You have. I mean it. You are so skinny.
FN: Shut----- up. I cannot believe this!!!! I was just thinking about you!!!
GK: Me too!!!
FN: Oh my god. I haven't seen you in like forever. Forever!!!
Your hair looks so good. I love it swept back like that. What are you putting on it? And where did you get that shirt? Stripes look so good on you.
GK: You really think so?
FN: I know so. Absolutely. My god. We have got to get together and do some major catching up. Hi, Brenda.
KATE: Hi. How you doing?
FN: Say, could you do me a huge favor? My hair is so frizzy. I can't do a thing with it. Could you like pull it back in a ponytail for me? Do you have time?
GK: Of course. ----- Like this?
FN: Oh, that's perfect. Yes.
GK: How's this?
FN: Oh. Perfect.
GK: Okay. I'm cold. Are you cold? Or is it just me?
FN: It's cold in here. How's the food here? Is this hummus? I love hummus.
GK: Help yourself.
FN: So---- anyway----- we need to talk-
GK: Now?
FN: Yes.
GK: Do you mind? Brenda? We're going to the men's room. Back in a jif.
KATE: Okay, you go ahead.
GK: Thanks.
FN: Nice seeing you, Brenda.
KATE: Likewise.
(FOOTSTEPS AWAY)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
SS: Hey!
KATE: Hey, wassup.
SS: What you doing?
KATE: Hanging out.
SS: Mind if I hang with you?
KATE: It's a free country.
SS: So what's up?
KATE: Not much. You?
SS: Same old same old.
KATE: So you got money on the game?
SS: Super Bowl?
KATE: Yeah.
SS: Patriots.
KATE: Me too. Where you going to watch it?
SS: Judy's. Hey, who's that hunk over there?
KATE: Chuck.
SS: Coupla major gonads on him---- Take a look. Hubba hubba, ding dong. And I do mean, Ding.
KATE: Boy, you got a one-track mind.
SS: Wouldn't mind checking that out. Look at him. Boy, he's asking for it. Look how he's standing. Don't tell me he doesn't want it. You bet he wants it.
KATE: You're not going over there, are you?
SS: Why not?
KATE: You get in trouble, don't blame me.
SS: He wants it. He's begging for it.
(THEME)
TR: The stereotype is what it is, but it's not who we really are. Join us again next week for....MINNEAPOLIS.