GK: .....after this message from Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie.
So you go in to the dentist and she has to do a little drilling and she puts headphones on you and (DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR, MARIMBA) it's the one Christmas carol that sets your teeth on edge---- (WHINE OF DRILL)
TR: Please. No. Not this. Please. TURN IT OFF!
SS: Sorry? (END WHINE)
TR: Turn it off.
SS: Would you rather have no music?
TR: Yes. Thank you. (BRIDGE)
GK: After the dentist you get in the car and start it up (SFX) and suddenly ----(GUITAR,
TR ELVIS:
Said the night wind to the little lamb
Do you see what I see
Way up in the sky little lamb----(RADIO DIAL SFX)
GK: You switch to public radio. (CHOPINESQUE VARIATION OF DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR)(SNAP OFF RADIO- it seems to be everywhere. You go into a coffeeshop and you order a latte and you're standing there waiting for it and (ESPRESSO MACHINE, PLAYING "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR") suddenly there's that tune again......
TR: Cut it out!!!
DR: Cut what out?
TR: That song you're playing!
DR: I'm making coffee!!!
TR: You're making me crazy!!
DR: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??(STING)
GK: Your problem is that a Christmas carol is following you around ---- you go outside and there's a parade going by (BAGPIPES, 2ND LINE, "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR") You duck into a bar and the jukebox is playing (TR WILLIE: Said the cowboy to his favorite horse, Will you ride where I ride?) --- you walk back out on the street and cars are passing. (CAR HONKS. THEN, CAR HONKS PLAYING "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR") (TR YELP OF DESPAIR) Maybe you need a break ---- get away for the weekend---- so you call up to book a flight----
(FN RECORDED VOICE: Thank you for calling Amalgamated Airlines. Your call is very important to us. If you wish to make a reservation, stay on the line. The wait time is now----- FIFTEEN minutes and THIRTY-FIVE seconds. (SINGS) Said the robot to the customer, Do you hear what I hear? You will spend a long time here on Hold......
GK: So you give up on that and go to work and (FOOTSTEPS) pass the receptionist and her radio is playing (FN SAX, "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR") ---- TR: Oh my gosh. (FAST FOOTSTEPS) and you head for your office and the boss calls ------
SS: Beeber????
TR: Yes, ma'am?
SS: Get me fifty copies of the Krainis report.
TR: Right away.
(FOOTSTEPS, PAPER SHUFFLING, COPIER PROGRAMMING)
GK: Doesn't she know that you're a vice-president? You have no idea how to run this thing? But you stick the report in (KA CHUNK) the copier and press the number 50 and Start (BEEPS) and the thing starts up (OMINOUS DEEP TONE) and it starts copying (COPIER) and it goes faster and faster (COPIER ACCEL) and the air is full of paper and you smell smoke (TR PANIC) and you're pressing the Cancel button and the Off button (COPIER ACCEL) and the copier keeps going faster and faster until (COPIER GRINDING, CRUNCHING) it starts eating itself up and spitting out red-hot parts and you grab the fire extinguisher and (EXTINGUISHER PLAYS "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR") and the fire alarm goes off (KLAXON) and it feels like a good time to leave (DOOR SLAM, RUNNING FEET) and you go to the bar next door and the waitress comes over-----
SS: Oh my. You sure look frazzled. Let me fix you a nice eggnog.
TR: Ohhhhhh. Yeah.
SS: And how about some music?
TR: Please. No.
SS: I just got the new Bob Dylan album in today---
TR: Oh?
SS: It's really nice. He sounds just like he used to.
TR: There aren't any Christmas carols on it, are there?
SS: Dylan? No, no. Listen---- (ORGAN, GUITAR)
TR (DYLAN SINGS):
And the wind blew in the night
And the star danced in the sky
High above the trees,
Do you see what I see?
Do you know who I am?
Said the shepherd to the little lamb,
Do you hear what I hear? (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
SS: SIR???? Where are you going?? (DOOR SLAM, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, TRAFFIC PASSING)
DR: Hey!!! Sir-----
TR: Yeah?
DR: You forgot your coffee. Here. I made it to go.
TR: Thanks. What do I owe you?
DR: Don't worry about it. You seem like you're having a rough day.
TR: Yeah.
DR: What's the problem?
TR: I feel like I'm being tortured.
DR: Maybe you need to talk to somebody. There's a shrink right here.
TR: Right there?
DR: Yep. Dr. Tannenbaum.
TR: Oh. Good. (FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPEN, JINGLE. CLOSE.)
SS: Yes?
TR: Dr. Tannenbaum?
SS: Yes? How can I help?
TR: Oh, Dr. Tannenbaum. I'm going crazy.
SS: Let's talk. In my office. Just a moment. I'll be right there. (SHE IS SHUFFLING SOME PAPERS. STARTS HUMMING, AIMLESSLY. THEN HUMS "DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR")
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing takes the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth quite like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
One little thing can revive a guy,
And that is home-made rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.