GK: One hazard of Christmas is the exchange of wildly unequal gifts, which can be so embarrassing-----
TR: Here, Mrs. Tibbetts---- merry Christmas from all of us.
SS: Oh. Lovely. A tin of Moravian ginger cookies. I love those. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
TR: What's that? You're giving me that????
SS: It's my gift for you, Mr. Johnson.
TR: A Swiss wristwatch encrusted in precious gems, with a solid gold retractable corkscrew and a built-in GPS and ---- what are these on the chain?
SS: Those are sacred relics of the 15th century Saint Suzanne.
TR: My gosh, a Swiss watch and sacred relics? I don't know what to say.
SS: Merry Christmas. (STING)
GK: Now you can guard against gift inequality by carrying this envelope in your pocket through the holidays and if someone lays a gift on you that is embarrassingly lavish and over the top, compared to the crummy gift you were planning to give them, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, write their name on the envelope and on the certificate inside, and lay it on them.
SS: Oh my goodness. What is this, Don?
TR: It's your invitation to come sing on A Prairie Home Companion, Mrs. Tibbets.
SS: To sing on what?
TR: It's a radio show. It comes from St. Paul, near Minneapolis.
SS: (AWESTRUCK) Minneapolis!!! A cultural mecca!!!!
TR: What do you want to sing?
SS (AWESTRUCK): Let me think. (PAUSE, THEN SHE SINGS WITH QUIET INTENSITY)
To dream the impossible dream
To go where I could not go---
To St. Paul ---
And sing on the radio.
GK: A guest certificate for our show. Murray DeAngelis of Brooklyn got one for Christmas.
FN: That's right. From my girlfriend, Kylie. She gave me a box of hankies and I gave her a 14-foot flat-screen TV and she said, "Oh, there's one more thing" and handed me the envelope and here I am. (HE SINGS)
...To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
GK: You want a certificate, see me after the show. I'll be around.