(SFX TINY JINGLE BELLS ON)
GK: ....after this message.
FN (ELF): My dream was to be a bus driver but when you're only three feet tall, you can't reach the pedals. So I went to work at the North Pole. Even though I don't consider myself a --- quote --- ELF ---- unquote --- I am a Small Person, but they make you wear these little green suits and the funny hats and the shoes with the curly toes, and they give me the name Chuckles. My name is Harold. Am I chuckling? I don't think so. But I'm Chuckles and my girlfriend is Twinkle, and here I am, making toys like crazy in a workshop that is not a nice working environment, not with You Know Who in charge, the man with a nose like a cherry, and that's not just from the cold temperatures. No, sir. The man is no saint. You can hear bottles slinking when he picks up that sack. He quit going down chimneys a long time ago. Sent an elf down the chimney. Me or BooBoo or Doo Dah or Dew Drop. Hazardous work. And that's why we organized and formed a North Pole IATSE local.The International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees. So now we get extra pay if the roof is icy or smoke is coming out of the chimney. The reindeer get a lunch break and overtime. Isn't that right, Rudolph? (REINDEER SNORTS) And we don't have to wear the dang outfits and we aren't called elves anymore....
FN: ...We're Christmas workers. Tell the Christmas worker in your house ---- probably your mother ---- to think about joining the union.
(SINGS)
Where there's a show there should be
The I A T S E.