GK: So ----- to continue the story ----- Christmas Eve and there I was in Sing Sing, in solitary confinement ---- depressed, of course ----- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
TR (HIGH BRIT): Greetings to you, my friend, I come with communion if you care to partake ---- it's an artisan sourdough wafer and it's a 1992 Cabernet, a rather muscular vintage if I do say so, with a bouquet of beef and kumquats and tomatoes----
GK: You're Episcopalian, aren't you?
TR (HIGH BRIT): Would you rather see a different chaplain? Reverend Pettigrew is right here behind me----- Reverend---- (FOOTSTEPS)
TR (SOUTHERN): And I say unto you, Repent for the hour is at hand when all shall be fulfilled, and behold the Son of God cometh like a thief in the night----
GK: No, thanks.
TR (SOUTHERN): Okay. We've got a Unitarian chaplain, too---- Reverend L. Stanton Rivers---- (FOOTSTEPS)
TR (LOCKJAW): May the divine that is within you gain strength from the metaphor of new birth that is common to so many religious traditions----
GK: No thanks.
TR (LOCKJAW): Would you like to see your sister? She's here.
GK: Sheila-----??? (QUICK FOOTSTEPS)
SS: Hi, Buddy. How are you?
GK: Sheila---- how's Mama?
SS: She's waiting in the car. Out in the parking lot.
GK: She came here? To Sing-Sing?
SS: We didn't tell her it was Sing-Sing, Buddy. We told her it was WalMart. A great big stone WalMart with guard towers and barbed wire because there'd been so much shoplifting.
GK: What is this, Sheila?
SS: It's an apple pie, Buddy. But instead of apples, there's a helium cartridge inside and a big weather balloon. And here----- a key to your cell.
GK: How did you get this, Sheila?
SS: I sold the house you bought us. You take the balloon outside and fill it and it'll lift you up over the wall and we'll pick you up and take you to a suite at the Plaza. (BRIDGE) So at 11:30, when the guards changed shifts, I let myself out of the cell (SFX) and walked down the cellblock hall and outside (SFX) and I blew up the balloon with the gas in the cartridge (SFX) and I tied the harness to my belt and one last blast of gas (SFX) and up I went into the air ---- and the wind carried me over the wall and into the parking lot and I ran to the car (SFX) and the guards spotted me and (ALARMS) searchlights flashed -----
SS (MOM): Oh Buddy. Buddy.
GK: We gotta go, Momma. Save the hugs for later.
Drive, Sheila. Drive! (SQUEAL OF TIRES, ACCEL, SIREN OFF) Faster, Sheila. The coppers are on our tail (SIREN) I'll just throw these sharp tacks out on the highway. (TIRES EXPLODING) And the cop cars ran over them and got flat tires and (MUSIC UNDER) we were safe and off to the Trump Tower we went. (DING, ELEVATOR) And we took the elevator up to the 15th floor and down the hall to a suite and who should we meet but Donald Trump.
TR (DONALD): Welcome to the Trump Tower. Hope you like the suite. Everything top grade ---- mahogany, real brass, marble, all the best, the workmanship, absolutely the best, the window treatments are from Italy where they really know how to do it---- make yourself at home, pal.
GK: We opened the champagne (SFX) and Mr. Trump suggested a hand of poker ----
TR (TRUMP): What do you say, jacks wild, low man calls, hundred-dollar deucy loosey. Aces high or low, two raises and you go to the dump, lady in the cloister, six or higher to open, and you meet your bid or walk through the soup. Okay? everybody understand? (DEALING).
GK: What's this game called?
TR (TRUMP): It's called Spit on My Shoe.
SS (MOM): Okay, hit me. I love this game.
GK: I didn't know you played poker, Mama.
TR (BLOOMBERG): Hey, it's me. Your old mayor, Mike. Deal me in. (DEALING)
TR (TRUMP): Two up, two down, and one in the pocket.
There you go. Read 'em and weep, Mike. Dealer goes. (CARD SLAP) I call man in the hall. (CARD SLAP) And one for your mother. (CARD) Weiners! (SLAP)
SS (MOM): I call Gophers in the woodpile. (SLAP) One more behind the door. (SLAP) And one in the oven. (SLAP) (VOICES FADE) (BRIDGE)
GK: We played until six o'clock in the morning. (CARDS DROPPED)
TR (DONALD): I'm out. Geeze. I am busted. Totally.
Gosh. Could somebody loan me twenty bucks for cabfare?
Have a heart. Come on. (STING)
TR (BLOOMBERG): You're quite a poker player, lady. Now you own Trump Tower and his house in Palm Beach and his personal jet. Congratulations. Here's my check for two million. Let's do it again. (FOOTSTEPS AWAY, DOOR CLOSE)
CD: Buddy----?
GK: Yeah?
CD: Now you can sell the jet and pay back the money you stole. I think you need to do that.
GK: Mama didn't cheat at poker, did she?
CD: She did but so did he, so it's all even.
GK: What are we going to do with Trump Tower and his house in Palm Beach?
CD: Your mama gave them away already. To WNYC.
GK: Wow. So there won't be pledge week this year----
CD: I don't know about that, but now public radio has a new headquarters on Fifth Avenue.
GK: And what about us? Sheila sold the house.
CD: You've got two million dollars from Mr. Bloomberg. That ought to buy you a two-bedroom in Brooklyn. Not Park Slope, but Bensonhurst.
GK: Bensonhurst!!!!
CD: You'll be happy there. They do Christmas very very well in Bensonhurst. You'll like it.
GK: What do they do?
CD: They----
Fall on their knees and hear the angel voices,
O night divine.
O night, when Christ is born.
O night, O night, O night, O night divine.
JEREMY DENK PIANO