GK: I hit one bank after another, each one close to the stairs going down to the subway, and the papers gave me a nickname, the Lone Rider. And I was able to do good things for the old Blind Violinist ---- (TR OLD: Tickets to the Philharmonic for me and Rex! Oh thank you.) and a Swedish jokebook for the Swedeens (TR, SS, CHUCKLING IN SWEDISH) and a house in Queens for Mama and my sister Sheila.
SS (PHONE): Thank you so much, Buddy. We love it. Such a big yard and a swimming pool and all that wonderful new furniture you sent. Early American. My favorite.
GK: Does Mama like the house?
SS (PHONE): Oh--- didn't you hear?
GK: Hear what?
SS (ON PHONE): Oh it's nothing. She didn't want you to know.
GK: Know what?
SS (ON PHONE): It's nothing. Don't worry about it.
GK: Worry about what? Cough it up, Sheila.
SS (ON PHONE): I shouldn't have said anything.
GK: Tell me.
SS (ON PHONE): It's just a little thing. The doctor says she'll be fine.
GK: What is it?
SS (ON PHONE): Don't get yourself worked up over it.
GK: What's wrong?
SS (ON PHONE): I'm sorry I opened my big mouth. Let's talk about something else.
GK: Sheila----tell me----
SS (ON PHONE): Let me call you back when you're not so upset.
GK: Sheila, listen to me. (GUNSHOT)
SS (ON PHONE): Was that a gunshot?
GK: Yes, it was. Are you listening now, Sheila?
SS (ON PHONE): I'm listening.
GK: Sheila, if you don't tell me what's wrong with Momma, I'm going to come and find you and I'm going to give you a Dutch rub, Sheila. Remember the Dutch rub? Do you? What's wrong with Momma?
(PAUSE)
SS (ON PHONE): She took one look at the house and she cried and she cried, she was so grateful, and you know Mama has high cholesterol so her tears are a little greasy and she cried so hard that her left eyeball fell out.
GK: What????
SS (ON PHONE): It was only the left one.
GK: It fell out???
SS (ON PHONE): Well, it didn't fall completely out. It was hanging there by the optic nerve.
GK: Momma's eyeball fell out? How?
SS (ON PHONE): Anyway, not to worry. She's just fine. They popped it back in. She's fine. No problem. She didn't want me to tell you.
GK: When did this happen?
SS (ON PHONE): Last Tuesday.
GK: Tuesday!! And you didn't call me???
SS (ON PHONE): Well, we knew you were busy. (GUILT STING)
GK: I was so upset about my mama's eye popping out of its socket, I walked out in the street with the gun in my hand, dazed with guilt. (TRAFFIC)
FN (OLD MAN, HARD OF HEARING): Not much snow for skiing this year, is there.
GK: What are you talking about?
TR: Your ski mask. Nice gun you got there.
GK: Would you mind keeping your voice down? (FOOTSTEPS, TRAFFIC) I saw a liquor store open across the street so I ducked in there ------
SS (NY): Oh come on. Give me a break. Get that gun out of here. I mean it. Go rob some other liquor store.
GK: Come on. Open up the cash register.
SS (NY): You come on. You see the name on the sign. Albanese. You see that? A-l-b-a-n-e-s-e. We're from Sicily. Does that ring a bell? You want me to call up my cousin Gianfreddo? He lives upstairs and he's 300 pounds and he'll mash you like a cockroach. You rob a Sicilian's store and you're gonna be living in a world of pain. Here. Here's a roll of quarters. Catch. (CATCH) Enjoy. Now get out of here. Beat it. I hear his stocking feet walking across the floor. Go. (STING)
GK: I went back to my apartment and found some letters my sister had given me to mail. Two weeks ago. One was a check for Mama's medical insurance premium. And one was a birthday card. For Mama. I had forgotten her birthday. How could I forget? Ohhhhhh. Oh my gosh.
CD: It's too late to mail the insurance check ---- Your mother is in the hospital, Buddy.
GK: I know.
CD: And that poinsettia plant you sent her? The leaves are poisonous. She reached up in her sleep and she ate the leaves off it and now she's on an IV. And they found her insurance had expired so she's in the charity ward, Buddy ---- down in the hospital basement where the patients' families have to come and cook their suppers on open fires on the floor and the patients are cared for by retired veterinarians.
GK: My mom.
CD: But she'll be okay, Buddy. I just think this would be a good time for you to re-examine where you're going with your life. You're stealing from banks. What happens when you get caught?
GK: Are you the ghost of Christmas present?
CD: No, Buddy.
GK: Do you have a name?
CD: Agnes. Agnes Dei.
GK: What do you want me to do, Agnes?
CD: Sing.
CD/GK (SING
Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
MANDO INTO BOYS TRIO
PIANO CHORD
PIANO OUT