TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Thanksgiving was painless --- we stayed home and when we started to feel pangs of guilt about not going to her sister's for dinner we split a sedative left over from a wisdom tooth extraction and forgot all about that and everything else. When the kids called from rehab, we didn't remember who they were which made for a much more pleasant conversation. It was wonderful. And then the other morning, I found Barb staring at her computer screen. What's wrong?
SS: Oh, Jim. I'm writing our annual Christmas letter and I can't think of a single thing. What have we done? Nothing.
TR: We have a new big-screen TV in the other room that says different, Barb.
SS: But this letter is going out to friends and classmates who go on African safaris, go horseback riding on the Gobi Desert, scubadiving in Bali, touring the vineyards of France, flying off to New Zealand, and we haven't gone anywhere-----
TR: We've seen National Geographic specials.
SS: Our lives are empty, Jim. We haven't met anybody new and exciting -----Except for----well----
TR: Except for who?
SS: Oh. Nothing. Never mind. ----We haven't learned anything new all year.
TR: We learned that on Black Friday, you have to put away the Golden Rule and if you want that toaster-broiler with five different settings, you have to be tenacious.
SS: There's nothing we can point to except that our fat pants became our regular pants. Other people's kids are getting Ph.Ds in math and science. Ours are trying to deal with their feelings.
TR: Say that our marriage is deeper and richer and has become biodynamic and electrical and more exciting than we ever could have imagined.
SS: Right. ----- I don't know. It just depresses me that I can't think of a single wonderful thing to talk about. Nothing. Except for---- (SIGH)---- oh well.
TR: Except for what, Barb?
SS: Nothing.
TR: What is it?
SS: It's nothing. Never mind.
TR: Maybe you're not getting enough ketchup, Barb. Ketchup is filled with natural mellowing agents that help you remember that each life has integrity and meaning and it isn't a contest.
SS: Sure. Right.
RD (SINGS):
These are the good times, the holidays are near.
Everything is festive at the dark time of the year.
Life is flowing like ketchup in your beer.
GK: Ketchup.....for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup, ketchup.