GK: Mr. Fred Newman, when he was in his prime, was probably one of the top sound effects men in the business. All the top movie directors, if they were going to do a film that involved ships (SHIP HORN) or a dungeon with dripping water (DRIPS) or a scene in Paris with a police car (SFX) or people speaking Basque (SFX) or dolphins (SFX) ---- they always called for Fred Newman. Jean Luc Godard (TR FRENCH ENDING IN "NEWMAN") or Ingmar Bergman (TR SWEDISH ENDING IN "NEWMAN") or Akira Kurosawa (TR JAPANESE ENDING IN "NEWMAN"). Because some sounds don't record well ---- you fire a howitzer in real life, on tape it sounds like this (THUMP), like someone bumping his head--- so you need a guy who can do howitzers (SFX) or bazookas (SFX) or rockets (SFX) or torpedoes (SFX) and Fred could, and he could do animals better than most animals could do themselves. And he could do NASCAR races (SFX). So he earned a truckload of money and built himself a beach house in Malibu where he could step out and look at the sea (SURF, GULLS), the waves
glimmering in the moonlight and think how far he had
come from his old radio job in St. Paul, Minnesota. (SURF)
FN (WOMAN): Oh here you are. Aren't you coming to bed?
FN: I am. Do you miss Minnesota, darling?
FN (WOMAN): Are you kidding? They just didn't get you in St. Paul, Fred. They didn't get you at all.
GK: And just then the neighbor's bull elephant came lumbering into their yard (ELEPHANT CRY) and he seized Fred in his trunk (FN: NO! NO!!!) and he dunked Fred up and down in the swimming pool (SFX, SPLASHING, FN UNDERWATER CRIES) and then finally the elephant grabbed a howitzer and fired it at him (SFX) ---- he missed, but nonetheless it was traumatic. He was rescued by a French policeman (PARIS SIREN) but from then on, Fred was unable to do elephant cries. And this was at a time when elephant movies were big and Spielberg said, "Get me Newman" and Fred came on the set and could not do an elephant (FOUR FAILED ATTEMPTS AT ELEPHANT CRY). It cost the studio eight-hundred grand in overtime and so he never worked in movies again. And he lost the Malibu house and had to come back to work on our show. His contract has a provision that ---- FN: I will never be asked to do an elephant cry. ---- He can do humpback whales (SFX), he can't do elephants. And that's why, when the fans come around after the show, they find Fred a little surly... (FOOTSTEPS)
FN: Beat it! ----
GK: Because for the elephant sounds, we have to bring in this man, Vince Whistman.
TR (TRUMAN): Why are you looking at me that way?
FN: I'm not.
TR (TRUMAN): You are, you are, you are. Stop it.
FN: Just go do your elephant cry and get out of here.
TR (TRUMAN): My pleasure! (ELEPHANT CRY) There. Beat that, Mr. Big Pants.
(FOOTSTEPS)
GK: It's hard on Fred. Oddly enough he can do elephant cries in his sleep (SNORING, THEN CRY) ---- but he can't do them on the show, and so many times when we want to do a story about an elephant, we make it an owl instead (SFX) or a ferret (SFX) or a camel (SFX). But Fred has a big heart. Despite his handicap, he goes all out. And that's what makes him one of the very best sound effects men in the country.
FRED (SINGS):
Hey look me over, lend me an ear,
I can't do elephants but I can do a (MOO)
I'm good at sounds and I'm lots of fun
I'm height and weight proportionate
And I can fire a (GUNSHOT)...
And I'll be up like a (ROCKET),
high in the (GULLS)
Don't honk your (BEEP BEEP) but,
take a (LONG FALL & SPLASH)
I'm a little bit short of the (BAGPIPE)
But let me get a (MEOW),
and look out world, here I (EXPLOSION)
Just like a (ROOSTER),
high on (GIGGLE)
Don't thumb your (OOGA), but,
take a (KAPOW, OOOFFF)
I'm a little bit short of the (BAGPIPE)
Let me get me some,
And look out, world, here I come.
GK: That's Mr. Fred Newman...