GK: Our show is coming to you from the Greek Theater in Griffith Park in the Santa Monica mountains of Los Angeles, the largest city park and urban wilderness area in the United States, it's five times the size of Central Park in New York ---- we're in the middle of this vast city, we're west of Pasadena, south of Burbank, east of Studio City, north of downtown, but there's a lot of chapparal and there are coyotes and deer around, raccoons, rattlesnakes, lizards, there was a mountain lion but he moved to Brentwood. Gene Autry's big museum, the Autry National Center of the American West is not far away.
Our audience had to get up early this morning, in Long Beach or Ventura or Malibu or wherever they live, and put on their hiking boots, their ponchos, and, even though they are California liberals, their personal firearms, and they had to listen to their dads.
TR (DUKE): Okay, we're going to go up to Griffith Park and we're going to park the car and make our way through the woods and don't forget to keep your eye out for cougars.
GK: And they fixed a cup of espresso (STEAM HISSING), and got behind the wheel of their Lamborghini (CAR ENGINE), and headed for the theater ---- (SS ROBOT: When possible make a legal U-turn ---- do not take the 10 to the 101 ---- I repeat, do not take that route ----- go the way I told you, Wilshire Boulevard to Sunset Boulevard to Los Feliz and left on Vermont. Do not take the 10.) ---- and they take the 10 and run into heavy traffic (HORNS HONKING) Traffic moving at 5 mph (TR FRUSTRATION) and (SS ROBOT: What did I tell you? Why do you ignore me?) and people are whizzing past on motor scooters (SCOOTERS PASSING, FAST) and Harleys (CYCLE PASSING) and bicycles (SFX) and a jogger is running down the median (SFX) and a hot-air balloon goes by (SFX) and out of sheer frustration you steer off the freeway and down the slope and into the brush and right into a brush fire! (CRACKLING FIRE) Your car is encircled in flames... and now thank goodness (LIGHTNING/ THUNDER)... a heavy rainstorm, water pours down (RAIN) in sheets and the hill starts to move, it's a mudslide (WET MUD) that sweeps your car off the road (TR ALARM) and into a canyon suspended upside down in the branches of an oak tree and you hang suspended from your seat belt (TR UPSIDE DOWN, DISCOMFORT) and now (SHAKING) --- what is this? It's an earthquake. (SHAKING, ROCKS HITTING CAR) and you call 911!) (CELLPHONE DIAL) (FN: (PHONE SYSTEM VOICE) Thank you for calling 911...all of our operators are busy handling other emergency calls.) And the earthquake shakes you loose from the tree and you land right side up (CAR START) and you drive down the hill and you're on Vermont Avenue and you drive into Griffith Park and you park your car and you follow the signs that say Greek Theater and they take you through dense forest (OWL, WOLF) and it's dark in there and you hear a cougar not far away (SFX) and then you look up and four masked men from the Gene Autry Museum are sitting on a stone ledge and (GUNFIRE) its an ambush and you return fire (SFX) and you dash down between some boulders and a horse is tied up there (WHINNY) and you gallop up to the theater (GALLOPING HOOVES) and dismount and walk up ---- FN: Welcome to the Greek. Lemme see your tickets. ---- Aha. Your tickets. (TR THROAT CLEAR) Did you lose them in the rainstorm or the mud slide? Maybe they're in your car, three miles away. (FN: Can't get in without a ticket. Lemme see your driver's license. I'll look it up in the computer.) Left your billfold in the car too. Oh boy. Not your day. (TR AGGRAVATION) (FN: What's your name?)
TR: The name is Pringle. P as in pneumonia, R as in wrangler, I N G as in gnash, L as in elevator, e as in eleemosynary. Pringle.
FN: Okay. I found it Here's your ticket. But the Prairie Home Companion show isn't tonight.
TR: No???
FN: This is Friday. The show is on Saturday.
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? (RHUBARB THEME) Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a slice of rhubarb pie
Serve it up, warm and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
TRIO:
Mama's little baby loveyos rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(MUSIC TO END)