GK: Summer vacations are ahead and those long car trips that we all know so well.
TR (KID): Dad---- I have to go Number one----
FN: I asked you back at the gas station if you had to go and you said no.
TR: I need to go now.
FN: I am not stopping the car whenever you get it in your head that ----
SS: Rick, stop the car.
FN: If he has to go he should have gone back there when I asked him.
TR: But I didn't have to go before!
SS: Rick, stop the car!
FN: We were at a gas station not fifteen minutes ago.
SS: I said, Stop.
TR: Too late. I went.
GK: Hours crossing the Great Plains and all that flatness around you and you listen to public radio for awhile-----
FN: This is Ann Taylor.
And I'm Cory Flintoff.
TR: This is Robert Siegel.
SS: And I'm Terry Gross with Fresh Air.
FN: Our fiscal year is coming to an end and so we're asking for your support.
TR: A dollar, two dollars, fifty cents, whatever you can afford ---- if you send small change, please Scotch-tape it to a card ---- don't send it loose.
GK: You search the radio dial for something lively and compelling.
(RADIO DIAL. HIP HOP INTO TR RUSH: My friends, the liberal conspiracy knows no limits, no sense of decency whatsoever. You are not going to believe what they------- HEAVY METAL ------ SS: And it says in Leviticus the second chapter the fourteenth verse ----- it is an abomination unto the Lord. What does this mean abomination? Is it a good thing? ----- TR: Thank you for taking my call. Doctor, I've got these sores and lesions all up and down my left leg and there's some drainage, a clear fluid----- SS: That's one cup of sugar. A quarter pound of butter. A quarter teaspoon of cinnamon. And bring a half cup of water to a slow boil. HIP HOP
GK: In desperation you carry audio books on CDs that your aunt gave you for Christmas, your aunt who is a huge fan of the Brontes.
SS (BRIT): On an afternoon in April, when the cold blue sky was half hidden by dark grey clouds in the west, and a chill wind blew across the hazels and oaks, I discovered, while hurrying home, I had dropped my keys and was unable to gain entrance to my house and so was at the mercy of Edgar.
GK: If you find car trips tedious, that's because you've never travelled long distances with our Fred Newman. Having a sound effects man in the car with you is no end of pleasure.
FN: HONKS. BIG SEMI HONK. Look out. TRAIN DOPPLER AT RAILROAD CROSSING.
GK: With Fred in the car, you're no longer driving across Kansas, you're in a war zone. (DIVE BOMBERS, MACHINEGUN STRAFING. BIG EXPLOSIONS) You're in the middle of an adventure movie. (SIREN. P.A.: PULL OVER, WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED. CHOPPER)
Now you can make your car trip livelier with Fred Newman Interactive Audio ---- it actually responds to conversation inside the car -----
TR: I have to go potty, Daddy.
FN: OH NO. LOOK OUT. PTERODACTYL FLIES OVERHEAD. "O MY GOSH"
SS: Pull over, Rick.
FN (ZOMBIE): Yes, pull over, Rick. I want to put a straw in your ear and eat your brains. (SFX)
GK: Car trips are more fun with Fred Newman Audio Systems installed in your car (DOG BARKS, TIGER, ELEPHANT) ----- no falling asleep with The Fred Newman Audio System (SERIES OF HORNS, KLAXON, SIREN, ALARMS). Look for it in the Yellow Pages under Sound.