RHUBARB (PALM SUNDAY)
.....brought to you by Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK: It's Sunday morning, your day off, and you worked late last
night singing at the club, and now you're in your bathrobe
reading the Sunday paper (FN SIPS COFFEE) and enjoying a
vicious review of a concert by your ex-wife (FN CHUCKLING:
In O Mio Babbino Caro, she sounded like an ambulance stuck in
heavy traffic. FN CHUCKLES) and you go to warm up your
coffee and you see the clock on the coffeemaker (FN: WHAT?
Nine thirty!) You're supposed to sing at the ten o'clock Palm
Sunday service. (FN PANIC. FAST FOOTSTEPS. CRASH.
GLASS BREAKAGE. FN: Where's my music??? RUSTLE OF
PAPER.) You grab your music and dash to the car. (FAST
FOOTSTEPS. DOOR OPEN, CLOSE. RUNNING THROUGH
GRAVEL) You're in your pajamas and thank goodness for choir
robes. (CAR START. CAR REV. SQUEAL OF TIRES. CAR
RACES AWAY) And you take off. Church is six miles away.
(HORN. SWERVE. CAR ZOOMS PAST) And you go sailing
through stoplights (HORN PASSING, DOPPLER LIKE. FN:
Oh lord, get me there, just get me there.) and then suddenly
(BRAKES. CAR STOPS. FN: What am I thinking? That's the
Lutheran church. I'm supposed to sing at the Methodist! TIRES
BURN, U TURN, CAR SPEEDS THROUGH GEARS)
Methodist is in the opposite direction and you've got to cross the
river and (DISTANT BOAT HORN) oh no---- the bridge is
raising up----
CAR SPEEDS UP. FN: C'mon baby, you can make it, you can
make it, you can make it, you can---- (CAR FLIES OFF
BRIDGE. MID AIR.TIRES SQUEAL. FN: Made it! CAR
SPEEDS AHEAD.
GK: Now you're in the home stretch --- (CAR MISSES. FN: Oh
no. CAR COUGHS. FN: Out of gas???? CAR COUGHS) Thank
goodness it's downhill from here. But you don't dare stop at that
stoplight. (HORN HONK, TRUCK PASSES FAST. FN: Missed
me.) Here you are, at church. (BRAKES. CAR DOOR OPENS.
RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.) FN: Outta my way, outta my way,
people. (CROWD) FN: Soloist coming
through.....soloist.....lemme through, folks. DOOR OPEN,
CLOSE. FN: BREATHING HARD. I'll just grab a choir robe
here. (RIP) Whoops. Oh well. FAST FOOTSTEPS. BIG DOOR
CREAKS OPEN. ORGAN.) And there's the organist, waiting
for you. (FOOTSTEPS) That's your note, now where's your
music? Your Palm Sunday anthem? (RUSTLING PAPERS) FN:
Oh no.) You grabbed the wrong music. This isn't for Palm
Sunday. But it's all you have......
FN: My palms are sweating and my heart is faint
I'd like to be strong but I know that I ain't.
You make me crazy with that strong perfume.
Let's get a room, let's get a room.
(RHUBARB THEME) Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece
of Rhubarb Pie. Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and
humiliation out of your mouth like Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK (SINGS):
But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is home-made rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.