MOZART
Last year was a hard year for parents, a year when one after another study came out showing that something you did for the good of your children actually may have harmed them. Milk, for example. Milk. The Journal of the American Medical Association Pediatrics says milk, even non-fat, may be doing more harm than good because of all the sugar it contains. And as for growing strong bones, bone fracture rates tend to be lower in countries that do not consume milk. And researchers at Harvard found that that music training does not, in fact, make children smarter or help them do better in school. This comes from Harvard. Not from some junior college in Wyoming, but from Harvard. There is no Mozart effect. Processed "low-fat" foods are bad for you- butter and cheese and red meat, in moderation, are good. Researchers did some good things too ---- they proved that vaccines are not involved in causing autism, neither is mercury. They showed the private schools are not necessarily better than public. But still--- milk and Mozart, downgraded. That was tough.
You gave em organic skim milk,
With no growth hormones,
And the study's conclusive that your use of
Milk doesn't grow strong bones.
It doesn't make strong bones at all
Nor does organic kelp
And Vitamins A and E they say
Harm kids more than they help.
There's a scientific study
Every week in the U.S.
Showing that your best decisions,
Made your kid a mess.
And now we hear that musical training
Doesn't make your kid smart
Men with Ph.Ds say feed em cheese
And there's no good in Mozart.
No good in Mozart, They've looked at the chart
They all reject the Mozart effect
There's no good in Mozart
We went to San Diego
And we took our little child,
I said, "You go out and play now,"
She looked up at me and smiled.
And then I read a story
About dramatic test results
That shows everyone who gets too much sun
Gets very depressed as adults.
Please tell us, Mr. Science,
Don't leave us in the lurch.
What are we doin' that will lead to ruin
According to research?
Does pizza made them schizo,
Do hot dogs hurt their heart?
Have the things we did messed up our kid?
And there's no good in Mozart.
If the Magic Flute is in disrepute
If the Jupiter Symphony goes down in infamy
If Don Giovanni is no good for Johnny
If his Requiem does not benefit them
And Cosi fan Tutti does not do its duty
And his Symphony 24 does not raise their test score.
If we went wrong by trusting Wolfgang
Did he betray us, the great Amadeus
Though I should not be indelicate
Maybe we should've been celibate.