GK: So it's summer and your dog is hot (PANTING), and your cat (CAT PANTING), and your gerbil (GERBIL PANTING) so you need to install your air conditioner. The antique one that weighs 475 pounds, and is in the storage unit in the basement of your fifth floor walk-up apartment. You need some help, and it's a choice between your ex-boyfriend Lennie or your cousin Bob the sexist jerk and you call Lennie and---(FN: Darling! I'd love to but I just fell off the roof and broke eight ribs and I'm not supposed to lift anything) so you have to call Bob (TR: Hey, little lady. So you figured out that you need a man after all, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hey I'll be right over.) Lennie was so nice, such a great guy. (SS: Why did he leave me for that 22-year-old actress? I thought he was attracted to older heavyset women.) And Bob comes over and the two of you lug it up the stairs (SFX, TR: Good you got me, huh, little lady?), and then you realize that you locked your keys in your apartment when you went downstairs (TR: Pretty smart, girlie girl. Guess you better call a locksmith.) so you do and he comes (FN FAST GIBBERISH) and you can't understand a thing he says but it costs you 75 bucks (FN GIBBERISH OF GRATITUDE), and then he reaches over and opens the door (SFX)---- It was unlocked. ----- And now Bob needs to use the bathroom, (DOOR CLOSES), and while he's in there Lennie calls (FN: How are you coming with that air-conditioner? I feel so bad that I couldn't help you. I sent Sally over with a big rhubarb pie. She should be there anytime.) ...
GK: ...Sally, the younger girlfriend (SS GRITTING TEETH), the evil Sally who took Lenny away from you, and the air-conditioner is sitting there on the kitchen floor, you plug it in to see if it works (SFX), and a cloud of dust flies out (SS COUGHING), and a couple of mice (SFX), and a bat (SFX), so your cat goes nuts (SFX) and now you and Bob lift the unit up onto the sill (SFX) and now you have to put in the board to hold it (TR BEGINNING OF SNEEZE) and Bob turns away to sneeze (SFX), and he lets go of the a-c unit and you can't hold it yourself (SFX) and it falls out the window (SFX) five stories and lands on someone walking along the sidewalk below (SFX). Someone carrying a rhubarb pie. Was carrying. She isn't anymore. But the pie is sitting there, unharmed.
Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb Pie? Yes nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beboparebop rhubarb pie and rhubarb pie filling. (RHUBARB THEME)
But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is homemade rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.