(ORGAN: BRIGHT PERKY MARCH AND FADE)
TR: Chad Anderson ----- Family Man, concerned parent, active citizen, good neighbor ----- and now, because he loves America so much, Chad is running for Congress to work for you ---- but meanwhile his opponent, the wily disgusting captive of special interests Shep DeVore (SNARL) is running the most vicious slimeball campaign using the millions of bucks from his shady pals to create campaign commercials that are outright lies. Chad Anderson needs your help. We can't let this good and caring man, the loving husband of Lori and the father of Megan, Chip, Tommy, and Trish, and the owner of Sandy (WOOF), be slandered by that shameless creep Shep DeVore (SNARL). Did you know that Shep DeVore has a lifelong drinking problem and got kicked out of AA? Do you know that he breeds iguanas? (SFX)? Were you aware that he puts one dollar in the collection plate at church ---- one dollar-----and this from a notorious slumlord whose ramshackle buildings have been cited for hundreds of code violations, and whose own home is 400,000 square feet with two swimming pools, a cigar room and his and hers wine cellars? Look at this video of Shep DeVore in his 400 Horse Power S.U.V. (HUMMING ABSENT-MINDEDLY) waiting at a red light and look at where his right index finger is----- yes, indeed ------ in his nostril. And now-it's in his mouth.
LM (SHAKY): Hello. I am Shep DeVore's first wife Sharon. Let me tell you something about Shep. Shep pees on the toilet seat. Fifteen years of marriage and always the pee on the seat. And not just in one spot--All the way around. You want to send a guy to Congress who can't lift up a toilet seat? I hope not.
TR: Shep DeVore, a wretched husband, a negligent dad, and a callous neighbor who let his leaves blow next door. You want this guy to represent you in Congress? (SNARL) Send a check today to Chad Anderson for Congress and let's send a caring father and good citizen and friendly dog owner (WOOF) to Washington instead of that filthy idiot Shep DeVore (SNARL).
SS: This is Chad's wife, Lori. I'm small and blonde. And I'm proud of Chad and how much he loves his community and how he's stood for common-sense solutions to our country's problems, and if a man like that can be defeated by a disgusting cheapskate nose-picking booger-eater like Shep DeVore then I personally intend to move to Switzerland.
TR: Let's elect a Congressman you'd be proud to know, instead of a deranged horse thief like Shep DeVore.
SK: I'm Chad Anderson and I approved of this message.
(ORGAN: MARCH AND OUT)