GK: We're here in Seattle, a city of manly men with powerful hairy legs (BELLOW), over-caffeinated men (TARZAN CRY), and the women who love them beyond reason (SWEET FALSETTO: MY GUY, TALKIN BOUT MY GUY.....OOO OOOOO) and the women do all the things the men do, like kayacking (SFX RUSH OF WHITE WATER), and mountain climbing (EFFORT SCRAMBLING UP ROCK FACE), owning multiple large dogs (SFX), and peeing in the woods. (FN: Whaddaya mean find a gas station? Use the rocks. That's what they're there for). New York women would rather eat raw fish than pee in the woods. In fact they do, all the time. Los Angeles women would rather undergo radical body-enhancing surgery (SFX). And they do. Seattle women---- (FN WOMAN: Sit. WOOF. FN WOMAN: Watch the trail while I go take a whiz. WOOF. FN WOMAN: If anyone comes, bite em in the butt. WOOF WOOF)
Seattle started as a lumber town, where manly lumberjacks would cut down trees (CROSSCUT SAW), and haul them by horsewagon (WHINNY, CRACK OF WHIP, HEEYAW, HORSE, CREAKING) to the sawmills to be cut up (BIG ROTARY SAW) and hauled by train (WHISTLE) to build houses and redwood decks for different sorts of men in Portland and San Francisco (FN: I love the detail work on those railings. It is so Art Nouveau.)
GK: Men who didn't cut lumber were out on fishing boats (SAILS) landing giant 300-pound fish (SFX) that were sliced up (SAW) and shipped off to Portland and San Francisco for delicate sensitive artistic men to eat in overpriced cafes with minimalist decor. (FN: I love the sauce, it's got cumin and cardamom and cilantro and just a tiny tiny bit of Dijon mustard. Just smashing!)
Later rugged manly aviators founded Boeing and built enormous factories (AIR WRENCH) where manly men built enormous jet airplanes (JET TAKING OFF) to fly sensitive slim-waisted men off to Paris and Rome and Athens (FN: I've never laid eyes on the Parthenon, I hear it's divine.) And other rugged men became rocknroll musicians (SCREAMING GUITAR) and set their guitars on fire (FLAME) and played power anthems ('SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT') and then came the personal computer and Microsoft. (FAST TYPING, MOUSE CLICKING). Which made it possible for nerds to show off. (FN: Your RAM isn't going into your K12 ---- your vector range needs adjusting. Here--- let me.)
So if you're a woman, and you're single, and you're wondering where all the men are, it's not New York.
FN (NEW YAWK): Gotta get back to work. Sorry. Call me tomorrow. Okay?
GK: It's not L.A.
FN: Call my agent. We'll do lunch.
GK: It's not Georgia.
FN: I'd like you to meet my dog Honey. (DOG BARKS) That's his name. Honey.
GK: It's not Minnesota, the land of silent men.
(LONG SILENCE)
GK: It's right here, in Seattle. (CHAINSAW) Seattle, the city of strong men and black coffee. Come check it out. Just don't bring your car. Don't complain about rain. Eat local.