GK: Our show is brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf Houston with your host, Antoine the maitre'd. Bon soir, Antoine.
TR (FRENCH): No, I am not the bouncer, I am the maitre'd. (FRENCH MUTTERS)
GK: Bon soir!
TR (FRENCH): Who is this Buster? We have no Buster working here. Buster? (FRENCH MUTTERS)
GK: Okay, okay. Good evening, Antoine.
TR (FRENCH): Well, why didn't you say so? Bon soir to you, monsieur.
GK: So what's on the menu tonight?
TR (FRENCH): Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH) and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).
GK: Good. It sounds wonderful.
TR (FRENCH): You wish to order?
GK: This dish---- this (GIBBERISH) ---- this doesn't contain some sort of intestinal parts, does it?
TR (FRENCH): What is that? (GIBBERISH) I didn't say that. I said that we are serving (GIBBERISH)----
GK: What did I say?
TR (FRENCH): You told me that my wife looks like a suitcase.
GK: I'm sorry. I only meant to ask if your entree, the one you mentioned, includes odd body parts like brains or kidneys. We Americans don't eat those things.
TR (FRENCH): You don't eat the (FRENCH)?
GK: What is that?
TR (FRENCH): The (FRENCH)? It is the lips of the pig.
GK: Pig lips? No. We don't.
TR (FRENCH): But that is the tastiest part. (FRENCH GUSTATORY ENTHUSIASM) SO the pate of pancreas of pigeon? You do not want? The sauteed throat of trout?
GK: How about a hot dog?
TR (FRENCH): A dog, monsieur? Please. We do not eat dogs in France. That is barbaric. (FRENCH INDIGNATION)
GK: A hot dog, Antoine. A hot dog. A sausage.
TR (FRENCH): A what?
GK: A sausage.
TR (FRENCH): Ahhh. Un sausage. Of course.
GK: What would be in the sausage?
TR (FRENCH): In the sausage??
GK: Yes. The ingredients. Is this pork? Or beef?
TR (FRENCH): French sausage has many many things.
GK: That's what I'm wondering about.
TR (FRENCH): The secret of the French sausage is diversity. A multitude of animals.
GK: Such as what?
TR (FRENCH): Well, we have the (FRENCH) and we have the (FRENCH) and also the (FRENCH) and the (FRENCH), and the...
GK: Are there brains in the sausage?
TR (FRENCH): You want it without brains?
GK: Please.
TR (FRENCH): (OFF, SHOUTING) REMOVE THE BRAINS FROM THE SAUSAGE!!! (FN RESPONSE, OFF)
TR (FRENCH): The brains are removed from the sausage, monsieur. A no-brainer. And here is your mustard. (SQUORT)
GK: Could I have ketchup with that instead?
TR (FRENCH): You wish me to wash the mustard off and put a tomato sauce on it? The sauce of tomato? On a sausage??? (DISGUSTED FRENCH)
GK: Okay. Mustard. Fine.
TR (FRENCH): Tres bien. Mustard!
GK: Tres bien.
TR (FRENCH): What? This is a restaurant, not a cafeteria. We have no trays here. Please.
GK: The Cafe Boeuf Houston.... The home of good eaters, of good taste, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH)---- (PLAYOFF)