GK: Good to be here with you in St. Augustine, Florida. We left Minnesota just as a big snowstorm was moving in (SFX) and of course we feel guilty about that, a foot of snow fell (SPINNING TIRES), cars in the ditch, people who shouldn't be driving, shouldn't even be in the north (FN CHERRY: Now how do you work these jumper cables? What do I put these clamps on? Here? (SHORTING) No, I guess not there. Do I put it here? (CRY OF PAIN) Sorry, honey.
There are carnivores roaming the streets (SFX), dogs that've gone bad (SFX), cats with a grudge (SFX), demented nuthatches (SFX). Deer who've lost close relatives and are out for revenge. (SFX) Deer hunting season is in swing and the number one cause of deer hunter injuries is---- (FALLING) falling out of the deer stand. That's right. There's no Christmas music on our show but some stations are playing it. (BAGPIPE, O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL) Christmas carols on all sorts of instruments (KOTO, WE THREE KINGS) Bluegrass Christmas albums. (BANJO, JOY TO THE WORLD)
And butter is on sale .99/lb at the grocery store. Because Thanksgiving is coming and butter is the main ingredient. In the potatoes (SFX) and sweet potatoes (SFX) and the pie crust (SFX) and the turkey. Keep basting (SFX). That's the secret of cooking turkey. When in doubt, baste (SFX). We are outdoors and doing a show outdoors in mid-November triggers deep-seated anxiety in The Minnesotan, Florida or no Florida,...
GK: ... I am expecting some kind of storm (WARNING GLAXON) the sky turning dark, one of those November tropical storms--(FN ELECTRONIC VOICE: A typhoon is approaching. Repeat: a typhoon is approaching. Evacuate the beach. Fasten the flotation device to your ankle.) If not a typhoon, then an attack by crazed dolphins escaped from Marineland --- like so many performers, they got on drugs, they dropped acid --- they're smart, they're crazy. They're extremely dangerous ---- A German Submarine --- (GERMAN MUTTERS) they never got word that the war is over --- sixty-five years later they surface off St. Augustine --- ninety-year old sailors (GERMAN), dementia has set in, they fill the torpedo tubes with knockwurst and (FIRING SEQUENCE) and giant sausages fly toward the city --- or alligators --- the big alligator farm is near here --- a gator attack --- the headline will read: MINNESOTA GOPHER EATEN BY FLORIDA GATOR AS CROWD CHEERS --- thought it was a joke, SAY STUNNED ONLOOKERS AS PIECES OF RADIO HOST ARE RETRIEVED FROM SURF --- and here's a gator right here (SFX), and enormous female gator (SFX) --- sorry, male --- wasn't looking there, sir --- (SFX) my apologies (SFX) and now I'm going to ask you to stop right there (SFX) --- stop (SFX) --- thank you --- let me say this, sir --- Thou Shalt Not Kill (SFX) Thou Shalt Not Kill (SFX) --- It doesn't say just humans --- It includes all creatures --- THOU SHALT NOT KILL --- (SFX) Yes, I did have a hamburger for lunch, but that's different. My hamburger was already dead. I am not. (SFX) Yes, there is a war going on, but it's a war for freedom...
GK: ...Your killing me will do nothing for the cause of freedom. Nothing (SFX) Okay, you need to eat for survival, but there are other ways of accomplishing that (SFX) there are hundred of other possibilities. Eating a white male liberal from the north is hazardous to your health --- you eat me, you'd find it very taxing --- there are plump conservatives here, opposed to regulation, so they won't mind --- (TR RUSH: My fellow Americans, what we saw in November, was an enormous groundswell of protest --- (SFX) O my lord --- ) Go ahead. It's okay (SFX) He's bitten the heads off a lot of people, so you go ahead (TR RUSH HARRUMPH).
Good to be in Florida. (SLOOP JOHN B)