SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. I was putting the snow shovels away in the garage and got to rummaging around and found a big cardboard box of LPs and there was a recording of Willie Nelson singing "Wimoweh" (STATIC, TR: Wimoweh.....A-Wimoweh....hey yup boy, a Wimoweh) and Bob Dylan singing "Oklahoma" (TR: Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping o'er the plain....and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain) -- a lot of rare items in that box, and then there was a piece of tape on a reel with the presidential seal on it and it was labeled O.O. which I guessed stood for Oval Office and it looked to be about 18 minutes in length and I got out a tape recorder and played it and, sure enough-- it was sort of amazing--
TR (NIXON): They're all against me, Henry. They all think I'm a crook. Which I am not, by the way.n
TR (KISSINGER): Don't worry, Mr. President. Your
legacy is secure.n A hundred years from now people will honor you for the great president you are.n
TR (NIXON): But I want people to know me today and not just as a great president but as a fabulous dancer. Here-- let me put on my costume. What do you think, Henry?
TR (KISSINGER): That looks fine, Mr. President.
TR (NIXON): Play it, Henry. For me. When I resign, I want to go out singing.
TR (KISSINGER): Yes, Mr. President.
(MUSIC)
TR (NIXON, SINGING):
Oh we don't have a barrel of money.
Maybe we're ragged and funny.
But we'll travel along, singing a song,
Side By Side.
TR (KISSINGER, SINGING):
Thru all kinds of weather,
what if the sky should fall,
Just as long as we're together....
TR (NIXON, SINGING): It really doesn't matter.
TR (KISSINGER, SINGING): Doesn't matter at all.......
SS: It was the missing 18 and a half minutes of Oval Office tapes and I figured it must be worth a million dollars. Meanwhile I sold the Bob Dylan on eBay for several thousand, and that was enough to buy us a ticket on a cruise to the Caribbean. I expected Jim to resist but he didn't and when we got on board, he was Mr. Congeniality. (TR WHOOPEE) I couldn't believe it. This old sourpuss I am married to suddenly turned into The Man With A Thousand Friends.
TR: Hey, Sue and Bucky! Boy, can you kids dance. Never knew the schottische could be so erotic. Bill! Sally! Thanks for coming.Fantastic.n John. Marcia. What a party. That was great. Tom. Sue. Great to see you. Wowser. Let's do this again.
SS: Hello? Remember me? Your wife?
TR: Oh hi. Where've you been?
SS: Standing watching you show people your rhumba moves.
TR: Oh. Didn't realize you were here. (HE DOES SOME RHUMBA STEPS, MOVES)
SS: Jim, when I told you I hoped you'd have fun on the cruise, I didn't mean this much fun.
TR: Oh Barb, don't get yourself worked up--
SS: I've never seen you this way before --n I mean, what if tonight at the Crow's Nest, you meet your true soul mate, Shantih Kumbaya. And you fly to California with her. I worry about this.
TR: Now, Barb. I don't go to the Crow's Nest.
SS: Okay, so maybe you go to the Piano Bar and the chanteuse is singing "Unchained Melody"n and a young woman catches your eye and you flirt with her and you drop a maraschino cherry in her Pina Colada and the next thing you know you're in a car heading for Cancun--
TR: Barb, I would never put a maraschino cherry in a pina colada. It's pineapple.
SS: Oh, you know what I mean. I'm old and saggy and I have bags under my eyes and you're dancing with all of these attractive young things--
TR: You know-- you're right, you do have bags under your eyes. Have you been getting enough sleep?
SS:n (SHE CRIES OUT) I can't sleep at night, worrying that you're going to run off with some bimbo.
TR: Barb, it's the Prairie Home Companion cruise. There are no bimbos here. Only a lot of attractive but sensible women. You start flirting with them and they want to talk about health care reform.
SS:n I just don't think you've been getting enough catchup, Jim. Catchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you understand that just because winter is over, doesn't mean you should go overboard. Especially not on a cruise.
TR: I'll keep that in mind, Barb. Let's go dance.
RD (SINGS):
These are the good times, here in Costa Maya.
Everybody's friendly. Hiya hiya hiya.
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on papaya.
GK: Ketchup, for the good times...
RD: (SINGING) Catchup! Catchup