TR (ANNC): And now, it's time for ADVENTURES IN LITERATURE (WOLF HOWL). Two English Majors daring to go to the far corners of the earth (PLANE DIVING)--traveling by horseback (HORSE), by skis (SCHUSSING), and by fast automobiles (SFX), in order to explore the frontiers of imagination. (NIGHT SOUNDS, FROGS, BIRDS, RIVER WAVES LAPPING AGAINST RAFT)
GK: The lights of St. Louis, Melissa. A city that's bred so many great writers, Tennessee Williams, Marianne Moore, T.S. Eliot, Howard Nemerov. But we've gotta keep this raft heading down the Mississippi and watch out for barge traffic.
SS: I have to admit, I never cared that much for Huckleberry Finn. Or Mark Twain in general.
GK: Well, that's why we're here on a raft. To get to the heart of the novel. The story of a boy who was smothered by social conventions and had to light out for the territory and find freedom.
SS: It's just so tedious being on a river. I thought we were going to Spain and do --A Farewell To Arms-- --
GK: Someday we will. -- The Gateway Arch-- see it?
SS: Uh, yes. Duh. I see it.
GK: Just making sure.
(PAUSE)
SS: I just think it would've been a better book if it had been a man and a woman on the raft instead of two guys.
GK: A white guy and an escaping black slave? That's not interesting?
SS: It's a buddy story. That's all it is. Male bonding. If there had been a man and a woman, it just -- would've been -- a lot more -- visceral. -- You know what I mean by visceral? -- (OWL, WAVES, DISTANT HORN)
GK: Is that your hand on my knee?
SS: Oh. Is that your knee?
GK: Yes.
SS: Do you want me to remove it?
GK: Melissa, we're on an expedition -- our mission is to explore the geography of the human imagination -- to discover first-hand the mystical connection between Mark Twain's genius and this immense river in the heart of the heart of America.
SS: So you want me to take my hand away?
GK: I'm trying to steer, Melissa, and keep us from getting sucked into one of these eddies and spun around and around and around.
SS: Frankly I wouldn't mind getting sucked into an eddy and spun around and around and around. Depending on which eddy we're talking about.
GK: Maybe we'd better tie up for the night.
SS: Sounds like a plan. -- Two guys on a raft. And you call that great literature-- Ha.
GK: It's a lot more than that.
SS: Maybe. -- Would you mind if we talked about us?
GK: What about us?
SS: I'm just wondering why you're not attracted to me.
GK: Let's not go there.
SS: What do you mean, --let's not go there--? We're there.
GK: We have a job to do.
SS: I always considered myself an attractive woman. And then after that thing happened with us.....well I'm not so sure.
GK: Nothing happened with us, Melissa.
SS: I know. Seven times it didn't happen. That's what I mean. The times I went bathing in the river and -- it just didn't seem to matter to you.
GK: We said we'd never talk about it again so we won't talk about it. -- Here comes a big towboat pushing a barge. (ROAR OF ENGINE PASSING, SHOUT OF DECKHAND)
SS: It's just that....well I thought that you and I were going to be together on this trip.
GK: Melissa, we're English majors, we're on a government-funded expedition, this isn't about us.
SS: You don't need to yell at me.
GK: I'm not yelling.
SS: You're raising your voice and I don't have to take it.
GK: Melissa, just --
SS: You're mad at me.
GK: Read from Huckleberry Finn, that's why we're here.
SS: You're mad at me and I am not about to read to you from a book.
GK: Give me that book.
SS: Why?
GK: I want to read you the part about lying on your back and looking up at the stars.
SS: You want me to lie on my back? Is that what you're trying to say?
GK: Get a grip. We're on a trip, Melissa.
SS: You're telling me.
GK: Listen-- Ow! Something bit me!
SS: It was a snake, it slid down off that overhanging branch, a deadly yellow cougar snake.
GK: What?
SS: Don't move or the poison will get to your heart faster. (JACKKNIFE FLIPS)
GK: What are you doing???
SS: I have to make an incision. An --X--. Like the female chromosome? (SLICE)
GK: Owwwww.
SS: Now hold still. I'm going to suck out the venom.
GK: What???
SS: You'll die if I don't. Now hold still (SUCKING NOISE) How do you feel?
GK: Very strange.
SS: How so?
GK: I feel alone.....poisoned.....misunderstood....depressed.
SS: All normal for an English major. Here, have some coffee. And here--
GK: What's this?
SS: Paper and pencil.
GK: What for?
SS: It's for your journal. Just start writing.
GK: Okay-- (PENCIL ON PAPER) --Midnight on the Mississippi drifting past St. Louis and a beautiful woman was sucking snake poison out of my left ankle and over her bare left shoulder I saw Andromeda and Mars.--
SS: I like that. --Beautiful,-- huh? But my left shoulder isn't bare.
GK: Not now, but it could be.
SS: You wish it were bare?
GK: Maybe I do.
SS: Don't exert yourself or the poison will go to your heart.
GK: Some things are worth dying for. Oh Melissa--
SS: Oh darling--
(THEME)
TR: ADVENTURES IN LITERATURE (WOLF HOWL). Two English Majors daring to go to the far corners of the earth to explore the frontiers of imagination. (PLANE DIVING, THEME UP)