GK: It's been a long winter in Minnesota (WIND, WOLF HOWL)-- blizzards, people trapped in their homes-- (PITIFUL CRIES, BANGING ON PIPES) -- people forced to eat pumpkin pie filling out of a can (SUCKING NOISE, SPLORT ONTO PLATE, EATING) while they wait for help to arrive and (BIG ENGINE, OFF) then a bulldozer comes to clear the snow away and (CRACK AND CRUNCH, YELL) it knocks your house off the foundation and of course your car won't start (CAR STRAINS TO START), and then when it does start, it won't go (WHEELS SPINNING), and the ice on the windshield is so thick you have to use a chisel (BANGING), and the snow is so deep and packed so hard you clear the driveway with explosives (BIG BOOMS), which alarms the caribou (CARIBOU ALARM) and they stampede and suddenly you've got four thousand hooves galloping past (STAMPEDE) and you dive into a snow bank (WOOOO, DIVE INTO SNOW) and into a little colony of snow snakes (WRITHING, SLOW DEEP RATTLING) and you get out of there (SHRIEK) and now you've got to change your pants (OH BOY) and you're so upset you accidentally sit on the dog (SNARL) and he takes a bite out of your hinder (YELP OF PAIN) and you have to go to the emergency room for a rabies shot (HYPERVENTILATING) and you get a panic attack and they have to medicate you (VENT) (CARDIO MONITOR BEEPING)...
GK: ...and you lie there and a surgeon comes bustling in (TK: This is the vasectomy here.) and you're too weak to say anything so they wheel you into the operating room --
and then suddenly (BIRDS)--it's spring. (HUNTING HORN) The long dark night is over. The animals awaken from their long sleep. (TIGER, BEAR) Life resumes. (ROOSTER) The loons are mating. (LOON CALL AND RESPONSE) The clocks spring forward. (SERIES OF CLOCKS SPRINGING, JOYFUL STRIKING OF HOUR, CUCKOO) The sound of the lawn mower is heard (REVVING MOWER). And there is music in the air. (BAGPIPE) You write a poem -- your first poem in years.
(FN: AND NOW I AM FEELING AGAIN
AND MY HEART IS OPEN
AND YES I SAY YES YES YES I WILL YES
OF COURSE I WILL WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE IT?)
And you make a thousand copies of it (COPIER) and you put bells around your ankles and you go skipping down the street, tossing your poem to people (JINGLING, CRYING YES YES YES). It's beautiful. And people you'd never expect to show strong feeling -- your periodontist (FN TENOR), your tax accountant (TK BARITONE), your Unitarian minister is speaking in tongues (FN TONGUES) and your fellow Unitarians are dancing around and singing -- ALL: Everytime I sense an issue or concern I will call a meeting. Everytime I sense an issue or concern I shall speak my mind). (HANDCLAPPING, HALLELUJAHS) It's a happy time for you, spring and renewal and new life and the first big thunderstorm (THUNDER, LIGHTNING) and rhubarb -- don't forget rhubarb.
GK: ...The fresh crop is on its way, rhubarb. Nothing takes the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like fresh rhubarb -- rhubarb pies, rhubarb scones, rhubarb cobbler. Check with your local rhubarb dealer.
R-H-U-B-A-R-B
(CLAPS)
MAKES A PERSON WILD AND FREE
(DRUMS)
L-I-B-E-R-T-Y
(CLAPS)
SERVE IT IN A CAKE OR PIE
(DRUMS)
BEBOPAREEBOP
BEBOPAREEBOP
BEBOPAREEBOP
...YEAH.