GK: It's March and all winter you've been cooped up in your apartment (FOOTSTEPS) like a caged animal waiting for Tuesday and Saturday nights when you can watch basketball -- your beloved Possums. (RESTLESS ANTICIPATION) Your alma mater, Sleepy Hollow College. Nobody ever heard of it. But this year the Possums are undefeated. (MORE ANTICIPATION) And now it's March and it's tournament time. (ANXIETY) And as game time approaches, your anxiety mounts. You open a beer (POP TOP, POUR) and you get your lounger chair all set (RATCHETING) and put on your blue and gold Possum warmup jacket (SFX) and you turn on the TV (SFX) and (FN WOMAN: Honey????) your wife is concerned -- (FN WOMAN: Shouldn't you take your pills?) -- (TK SNARLY RESPONSE) These are the pills the doctor prescribed last year after you had that episode. Mood levelers. (TK: I'm all right!!!!) (DOOR CLOSE, LOCKS) And in a few minutes the Possums will be playing their archrival the Cougars. (ANXIETY) It's only a game. Only a game. (TK: Only a game.) It's only a game. (TK: Only a game.) But you get out a pistol and you load it (SFX) and you sit down crouched in front of the TV and -- (REF'S WHISTLE) the next two and a half hours are like an out of body experience (FOOT SQUEAKS, CROWD, REFS, SHOUTS, DRUM CADENCE -- MOUNTING INTENSITY AND RAPIDITY) -- a close game -- and you're standing in front of the TV (MOUNTING INTENSITY) and five seconds left and (AIR HORN)...
GK: ... there's a foul (CROWD ROAR) and the Possum goes to the free throw line, and he takes the first one (BOUNCING BALL, SHOT, SWISH) (TK AGONY OF ECSTASY) and now the game is tied and now the second (BOUNCING B ALL, SHOT, SWISH) (TK WHOOPING) and you sort of go crazy (GUNSHOTS) and you grab your chainsaw and you go outside and (CHAINSAW, TK WHOOPING) you trim the neighbor's bushes down to little stumps (SFX) and you cut a big V for Victory on the side of his garage (SFX) and (SIREN) the police are called and they sedate you with a dart gun (SFX) and you're put into the mental ward and put on heavy sedatives (TK TORPOR)--
FN (DOCTOR): I'm sending you home with this anti-excitement medication, and I don't want you to ever watch basketball again. You hear me?
FN (WOMAN): You listen to the doctor, honey.
FN (DOCTOR): If you want to watch sports, watch baseball. No more basketball.
FN (WOMAN): Listen to Dr. Hooley, honey.
FN (DOCTOR): Otherwise we're sending you to the loony bin. Understand?
(TK TORPOR, AGREEMENT)
GK: And so you go home and you sleep a lot and then you watch baseball (TV SEQUENCE: ANNOUNCER GIBBERISH. PAUSE. MORE QUIET GIBBERISH. PITCH, CATCH. GIBBERISH. PITCH, CATCH.) And the game is tied 0-0 and after each pitch the pitcher steps off the mound and picks up the resin bag and it's kind of slow and then there's a news crawl with college basketball scores and-- (TK: WHAT?) in the second half, Sleepy Hollow is down by six and you switch channels (TK: GO POSSUMS) and there's a minute left in the game (CROWD ROAR. SQUEAK OF SHOES. SHOUTS.) and the Possums are down by two and you're standing there with the gun in your hand as the clock ticks down and (AIR HORN) -- TK: TRAVELING! LOOK, REF! TRAVELING! (GUNSHOTS) you shoot the TV (SFX) and your wife is hysterical (FN HYSTERIA) and she calls the police (SIREN) and they shoot their darts again (SFX) and you wake up in a hospital and the doctor is there.
TK STUPOR
FN (DOC): Your wife has had you commited, Mr. Stevens. You'll be spending some time here, learning to control your emotions and also making lanyards and billfolds.
TK: I can't give up basketball.
FN (DOC): Then we're going to have to resettle you in a place where there is no basketball, Mr. Stevens.
GK: And that's how you wound up here (SURF ON ROCKS) on an island off the tip of South America. It's just you and the penguins (SFX) and the giant walruses (SFX) and no TV, no radio, nothing. But the other day a weather balloon drifted in and (SFX) you cut a piece of the rubber skin and sewed it to make a ball (SFX) and you picked five penguins (SFX) and five walruses (SFX) and you tossed the ball up and they fought over it (SFX) and you felt that old thrill...March madness. Nothing like it. (BAND PLAYOFF)