GK: It was Black Friday yesterday -- the day when retailers go into the black, or not, as the case may be, and crowds of demented shoppers waited all night outside the stores for the doors to open at 3:00 A.M. (MOB MUTTERING, DOGS BARKING, DOOR OPENS, STAMPEDE) and eager shoppers streamed in looking for those big bargains-(PEOPLE SHOVING AND JOSTLING)-and because of the economy there are now some amazing bargains on many quality items, such as this pair of battery-operated talking dolphins (FN: Hi, I'm a mammal, just like you. I'm warm blooded and I suckle my young. Want to watch?), for just 49.99, marked down from 60, and you can get a 35 h.p. blender powerful enough to take all of your Thanksgiving leftovers -- (SERIES OF SPLORTS AND SUCKING VISCOUS SOUNDS), potatoes and pies and turkey and gravy and cranberry and all of it and (BLENDER) mix it up into a thick Thanksgiving shake.
And how about this GPS system for the office (PINGS) which tracks management and tells you when your supervisor is near and how to take evasive action (FN: Turn left and duck into the doorway. Turn off light and crouch under desk). And if your vacuum cleaner has gotten weak and listless, you can get big savings on powerful commercial-strength vacuum cleaners (BIG VACUUM) strong enough to pick up bricks, rocks, small children (CHILD), -- everything is marked down, everything must go --
GK: These ionic diffuser hairdryers (HAIRDRYER) which actually create new hair follicles where none had been before -- careful not to aim that at your face -- and this 400-cup espresso machine (BIG ESPRESSO) that you operate by pedaling it so it's also a stationary bike , (SFX, EFFORT AND PANTING)-comes with a video that simulates being at a real coffee shop (COFFEE SHOP AMBIENCE) all at prices way lower than you would pay if you were inclined to buy one of those things in the first place, which you may not have been but now that they're so cheap, why not?
And it's not just electronics . It's also clothing. Big Midwestern puffy coats with big pockets where you can carry your heater cats (CAT). 50% off. Fancy Super tight high-waisted white jeans (TIGHT JEANS) with studded detailing that make you look like a rock star.
(FN SINGS: Hey hey momma look I got these jeans, they haven't been in style since I was seventeen) (ZEPPELIN GUITAR RIFF)
And big deals for the kitchen and bath, as well. Toilet Plungers--(PLUNGING)--these are power plungers that can unplug your toilet so fast, that your stuff is plunged all the way to the upstairs neighbors and it comes shooting out of their toilet and hits the ceiling (PLUNGING, SPLAT, DISTANT YELL). Antibacterial scrub sponges and gas masks, also 40% off. (SCRUBBING, GAS MASK BREATHING)
GK: And there's no better time to buy a luxury yacht (BOAT HORN)-imagine yourself at the wheel of a 48-foot runabout heading for port (WAVES, SEAGULLS)--servants below deck pouring champagne (POP, POURS), the cook flaming tonight's creme brulee course (TORCH), the lounge act down there warming up
FN MANILOW:
I am the man who sings on your big boat
I make big money and I like to gloat
How do you like my gold tuxedo coat?
I love your boat I love your boat
GK: And there's you in your white captain's cap and the gold braid, commanding the admiration of your little family as you stand, lashed by the sea (WAVE), and yet remaining true to your mission -- (TR: -- there is a white whale out there and we're not going home until we find him. WHALE CRY). Yes, if you don't know how much it costs, you might still be able to afford it. If you act now. Bargains galore. Yours. Terrific deals all over the place.