GK: .....brought to you by Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn, experts in percussive repair. So many appliances and electronic gizmos you buy today -- they're solid-body modular constructed and they can't be taken apart and repaired -- (FIERCE EFFORT, ANGER, THEN CRACK AND CRUNCH) See? Can't be repaired. What you need is an expert in percussive repair from Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn. Here's an electric shaver. Won't work. (SWITCHING ON/OFF) But if you hit it in just the right way. (TAP, BUZZ OF SHAVER) Voila. Same with this printer. (SWITCHING ON/OFF) You paid $175 for it, the warranty is somewhere in the junk drawer, you'd have to ship it off to New Jersey, or if you called somebody local, it'd cost you $100 just for him to look at it, but-- Mr. Peterson of Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn gives it a precision hit--
TK: Actually I'm Keppler.
GK: Mr. Keppler of Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn--
TK: Jack Keppler.
GK: When Mr. Jack Keppler gives your printer a precision hit--
TK: I came in as a partner when I left Cassidy, Corcoran, Kilpatrick, Connors, and Trickett.
GK: I see. Let's watch now as Jack Keppler gives this non-functioning printer a precision hit --
TK: Every machine has a sweet spot and you figure out where that is and that's the secret of the whole thing. Pat Chichester taught me that.
GK: Uh huh.
TK: He ran the first company I worked for.
GK: I see.
TK: Chichester, Manchester, Champion, Bamberg, and Puckett.
GK: Interesting.
TK: Quite a guy. Pat Chichester.
GK: Okay. Good to get that background. Okay. If you would like to demonstrate how you can make this printer work by hitting it in the sweet spot, Mr. Keppler -- we're all waiting breathlessly to see how it's done-- (PAUSE. SERIES OF TAPS AND A BWANGGGG. PRINTER HUMS AND STARTS RAPID PRINTING, EJECTION OF COPIES) See how that one swift hit to the printer cleared everything up instantly -- no dealing with company reps, no mailing, no driving around -- you just call up Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn -- and one of their expert percussive technicians will come in an hour or less. Almost anything can be repaired percussively. Such as this TV. Won't work. (SWITCH CLICKING) But a percussive technician can do the trick--
SS: Hi.
GK: You are Miss Simpkins?
SS: Peterson.
GK: Okay.
SS: Patty Peterson.
GK: Patty Peterson of Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn will now fix this TV--
SS: Kitty Simpkins doesn't do TVs.
GK: Okay. Good to know. Patty Peterson--
SS: She does indicators, capacitors, converters,selectors, scanners, repeaters, computers, rectifiers, magnetic detectors, trackers, threshers, tractors, transmitters, pressure switches, rotor motors, walkie-talkies and electronic clocks. Not TVs. I do TVs.
GK: Okay. Patty Peterson--
SS: I learned all about TVs at the company I used to work for -- Ohlman, Mooney, Newman, Norman, and Moore.
GK: They did percussive repairs?
SS: No. Real estate.
GK: Okay. Think you can fix that TV?
SS: Of course. (SWITCHING ON, OFF. SS A QUIET KARATE VOCAL WINDUP. BANG. TK TV AUDIO)
GK: Percussive repair. It really works. Patterson, Peterson, Simpkins, Keppler, and Cohn. They're in the Yellow Pages under Property Upkeep.