(PHONE RINGS 3X, PICKUP)
GK: Hello?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Duane, is that you honey?
GK: Hi mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh thank goodness Duane honey. Where have you been? I keep calling and calling and calling-I've left so many voicemails-
GK: I was busy, mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN): You were supposed to come over for election night, and you never showed up-
(A BEAT)
GK: I had another party, mother.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Another party-with who, Duane?
GK: Just some people I know.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I made your favorite pigs in a quilt and you ditched us for "just some people you know?"
GK: It was a last-minute thing, mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Did they have pigs in a quilt there, Duane?
GK: No.
SS: So did you go with someone, Duane, or did you go alone?
(A BEAT)
GK: With someone.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well who Duane?
GK: You don't know her.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): A ladyfriend?
GK: A friend, mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): But a female person. A woman, right Duane?
GK: It was a woman, yes.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I was thinking about you on Halloween, honey. All those happy little faces. It's the only contact I will ever have with small children -- well never mind.
GK: Mother--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I know. I shouldn't talk about it. It's my own fault for just having one child. Putting all my eggs in one basket. One leaky basket. And I have my Cambodian sponsor children.
GK: Right.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): They are so grateful. So, so, so grateful. And they're so small. We've got seven children, Duane. That's one more than Angelina Jolie.
GK: That's incredible. It really is.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You know it's not too late for you to have children of your own, honey. As long as the equipment is working Duane--
GK: Mom, please--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Of course your dad and I are getting up there-- and in a few years it'll be harder and harder for us to lift them....or to see where they are-or remember their names--
GK: Mom, do we have to talk about this now?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well there's something else, honey. You know your dad is just broken up about this election. He is just beside himself.
GK: I figured he would be.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well I have tried everything-I made him a beef stew and we went out and got him a new gun-but honey, he just won't come out of it. Can you talk to him?
GK: I'd just make it worse.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): (OFF) Hank? Hank? (TR OFF) Come talk to Duane Hank. (TR OFF) Because he wants to talk to you. (TR OFF) No he's not going to shove it in your face, he's your son, Hank, now talk to him. (TR MUMBLING, OFF) the other way. Cord on the bottom.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Hello.
GK: Hi dad.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So I guess you heard then.
GK: I did hear, yes.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Yeah. It's something all right.
(A BEAT)
GK: You doing okay dad?
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Boy o boy.
GK: Well, don't think too much about it.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Yeah.
GK: No sense in worrying about it.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Anyway, we're stocking up on canned goods. Bottled water. Should be good for six months.
GK: Okay. Whatever.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I'll give you back to your mother-
GK: Dad-
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): (OFF) Just give me the phone, Hank, give it to me-(BACK ON PHONE) Duane honey, are you still there?
GK: I'm here mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So did ya cheer him up then? Reminiscing about old times?
GK: He ought to go back on the medication, mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You know speaking of vacations I just went on a geneology retreat-where you put your family tree together?
GK: Yes?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So I did ours. Our family tree. And at the end of your limb, I wrote THE END. The end, Duane. You're the last.
GK: Mom-
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So I won't worry about it anymore. And don't you worry about me. I'm just gonna go into hospice.
GK: Mother? Are you sick?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): No, I just want to lie there and wait for the priest to come by and say, "all is forgiven"--which is so much more than I ever got from you, Duane. (SOB)
(A BEAT)
GK: Mom, you're not Catholic.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I'll sign up. Anyway, I know you're probably busy. Probably got a date you're your lady friend. I won't keep you.
GK: Okay mom. See you soon. Love you.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Love you Duane, bye now.