(WESTERN THEME)
SS (ANNC): The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Dog Hair Hangover Remedy. (DOG BARKS) If you're a lush and you suffer for it the next day, just eat a big handful of Dog Hair (DOG BARKS) and see if that doesn't help. And now, The Lives of the Cowboys.
(THEME, FADE)
(WIND, HORSES)
TR: We almost there?
GK:It's not far.
TR: Just looks like desert to me.
GK:That's what it is, desert and mountains.
TR: Where's the ocean?
GK: Long way from here.
TR: I thought we were going on a cruise.
GK: No, we're going to Las Cruces.
TR: That doesn't mean cruises?
GK: Nope.
TR: Dang it.
GK: So you thought we were getting aboard a boat---
TR: Yep. Expecting to play shuffleboard.
GK: Guess you should've asked.
TR: Out here in west Texas, when you got sand blowing at you, you hesitate to open your mouth.
GK: Understandable.
TR: So what are we here for?
GK: The answer is right straight ahead.
TR: Where?
GK: There. (EMU RUNNING ACROSS PRAIRIE, EMITTING EMU CRIES)
TR: What was that?
GK: Emu.
TR: What do you do with emu?
GK: They raise 'em for meat. (ANOTHER EMU RUNNING FAST)
TR: How do they catch 'em?
GK: That's what they hired us for.
TR: Chase em and rope em?
GK: Yeah. Big money in emu these days. People from California looking for leaner meat. Bird meat.
TR: These critters look like they might've come in on a space ship to Roswell.
GK:They're wily, Dusty. Stay out of its way. They have powerful legs that can rip your intestines out and they have brains the size of walnuts.
TR: These things are ornery, aren't they? (EMU SHRIEKING) Shoo! Out! (GUITAR STRUMMING) Oh great. What are you doing?
GK: Music calms 'em down, Dusty.
TR: They don't have ears.
GK: Those little holes in their heads, those're ears. (HE SINGS, TO "HOBO'S LULLABY")
It's not easy being emus
Your social structure is complex
Since you are nearly identical
To emus of the opposite sex.
The female lays the eggs down gently
Gently in the earth they're pressed
And the male does incubation
Spends two months upon the nest.
The papa emu rears his babies,
Defends them from their enemies
While their mamas go out dancing
With any emus that they please.
So go to sleep you papa emu
Though your women make you cry
You will not have long to suffer
That's an emu's lullaby
GK: See? They're calmer already.
TR: That's funny, so am I.
GK:You like it here.
TR: You could say that.
GK:You think coming down here to New Mexico was a good move? You feel better, don't you.
TR: I do. I feel happy.
GK: I never thought I'd hear you say that.
TR: I feel younger. Livelier.
GK:So what's wrong then?
TR: Nothing. That's the problem.
GK:I don't get it.
TR: I think of all those years when I could've been as happy as I am right now and all I had to do was come to New Mexico and I didn't and now I'll never get those years back again.
(CHORD) Oh no. Not that again.
GK (SINGS):
I been blue all my life
But I just got happy today
And it makes me sad to think of all those years I wasted away.
If I only knew back then
The things that I know now
I would've gone to Las Cruces and not spend my life herding cows.
TR: So true.
GK (SINGS):
I'm so happy now that I'm older
And I've learned what needs to be done
I wish I could've been older back when I was young.
TR: You said it.
GK (SINGS):
I was dumb in life's springtime
And now I'm smarter in November
How come you lose memory capacity just as you've got so much more to remember?
TR: Huh?
GK (SINGS):
I've got the blues cause I'm happy
And happiness brings me down so
Cause it breaks my heart I wasn't happier a long time ago.
I've got the ex post facto retrospective ennui blues
TR: Beautiful place, New Mexico, but it's a cowboy's job to be lonely and you and I do it about as well as any cowboys did.
GK: Yeah, that's right.
TR: Rest of the country is chunking down antidepressants and going into therapy and exercising and working up endorphins and who's gonna take responsibility for getting down in the dumps and exploring the dark side of life?
GK:I guess us.
TR: I'd rather go back to being miserable so I don't feel all this regret for not finding happiness sooner.
(EMUS, A BEAT)
GK:So what do you want to do?
TR: Guess we'd better go back north and find us some cows. Cows just lie there with those big needy eyes. We'll feel bad in no time.
GK: Well, if that's what you want. We're partners. So long, emus. Hi ya! (HORSES GALLOP OFF)
(THEME)
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Pie Roll-ups. The only pie food product that's freeze dried and rolled up in a strip. So you can enjoy it on the trail, no muss, no fuss.