TR (ANNC): And now. The story of one man, his mother, and the 8.6 miles of copper wire that separate them. It's Duane, the chosen son.
(CELL PHONE RINGS, 4X)
GK: Hello?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Duane honey, is that you?
GK: Hi mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): We've been looking all over for your cell phone number cause you weren't picking up at home. We called and called and called and called --
GK: I'm fine mom. I'm just not at home today.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): We're up at the cabin right now and we're having a barbeque with your cousins--
GK: Okay--
SS (MIDWESTERN): I know you're probably really busy but I didn't want you to find out about it later so I just thought I'd tell you now.
GK: I'm actually in Las Cruces right now, mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Las Cruces? What is that some kind of casino?
GK: It's a city in New Mexico.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Mexico!?!?! Hank--
(TR MURMURS, OFF)
GK: Mom--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE, OFF): He's in Mexico, Hank. (TR MURMURS)
GK: Mother, it's New Mexico-New--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You're not doing one of those human mule things are you? Transporting cocaine back and forth across the border tucked up in some body orifice?
GK: Mom--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Because if one of those little balloons breaks while it's inside you, you're done for Duane. You know that, right?
GK: I'm not a drug mule, mother, I'm a writer. I'm writing a novel. Could I call you back?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So I guess you're not gonna make it then. That's okay Duane, it's what I expected.
GK: Mom, I can't just jump on a plane and be up there--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I'm sure Las Cruces is a whole lot more exciting to you than our little cabin on Lake Winnesissebigosh listening to a bunch of dried up old geezers talk about their troubles--
GK: Mother--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): What's in Las Cruces anyway?
GK: Mom, don't worry about it, okay? I'll see you in a few days--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You know, it's when you say "don't worry" -- that's when I reach for the blood pressure pills --
GK: I'm just down here to get some descriptive material for my book.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh boy well now I have to go to the bathroom-you don't mind do you Duane?
GK: Let me call you back, mother--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh no no no. No no no. I'm not falling for that one. If I hang up you're just going to let it go to voicemail--I know you Duane, so just stay on the line honey and talk to your dad. (OFF) Hank! Hank!
(TR MURMURING, OFF)
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Come talk to Duane, Hank. (TR MURMURS) Because he's on the phone, that's why. (TR MURMURS)
TR (MIDWESTERN): Hello son.
GK: Hi dad.
(A BEAT)
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So you're in Mexico then.
GK: New Mexico, yes. Doing some research.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh. (A BEAT) We're making brats.
GK: Good. Yeah mom told me.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): And chicken.
GK: Sounds delicious, dad.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Hamburgers too, I guess.
GK: Wow.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Couple hot dogs too.
GK: That's a lot of meat, dad.
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Yep. (A LONG BEAT)
GK: Okay. Well--
TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Okay good talking to you then Duane.
(FLUSH, DOOR OPENS, OFF)
GK: Bye dad.
(FOOTSTEPS, OFF)
SS (MIDWESTERN, OFF): Just give me the phone, Hank-no give it to me -give me the phone-- (FUMBLING WITH PHONE) Duane honey? Are you still there?
GK: I'm here mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I sure hope you'll be coming back to the cabin this summer and maybe stay for more than forty-five minutes.
GK: Maybe in July. I need to look at my schedule.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well go look at it then.
GK: Now?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Are you with somebody down there, Duane?
GK: Mom--
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Is she there in the room with you, Duane?
GK: No.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): She is, isn't she. I bet you met her at the Blackjack table. I bet she was wearing sequins, wasn't she Duane?
GK: Oh, please.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Because that's all it's ever taken with you. One little shiny object. It's a good thing you aren't a fish, Duane, you'd be taken in by a piece of tin foil.
GK: Mother, there's nobody here but me. Just me and my laptop. And a little bottle of shampoo.
SS: And pretty soon that'll be your whole family, Duane. Just you and your laptop and a tiny little bottle of hotel shampoo. Because your dad and me you know, we are getting up there (CHOKES)
GK: Oh boy.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Your dad will be out there struggling with the canoe rack, you know, trying to lift that big thing by himself like he does, and it'll fall right on him and pin him face down in the mud.
GK: Mom, don't do this okay?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): And you know we've talked about this, Duane. Your dad and I. He said if anything like that ever happened I was just supposed to shoot him, Duane, before it got really bad.
GK: I can't believe this.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): He'll give me the hand signal and I'll do what I have to do-or if it's me I'll load my pockets up with big heavy rocks and walk into the lake. I've got the rocks all picked out. My death rocks.
GK: Mom, what do you want me to do, huh? Just tell me what you want.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I'm fine with it, Duane. Because you know what? We've had full rich lives.
GK: Mother.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): We've had our good times at the cabin, so we don't need more.
GK: Just stop, mom, just stop.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You won't even have to spend the money for cremation, Duane. I'll be pinned to the bottom of the lake, with fishes nibbling the flesh off my bones.
GK: Mom, stop.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You can use that money to get something you really want. (SOBS) Like a flat-screen TV. I'll be in a better place, Duane. Life is not a tragedy. It's a celebration. (SOBS, A BEAT)
GK: Mother.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): What?
GK: I can come to the cabin July 18th through the 23rd.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You can?
GK: Yes. No problem.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I don't want you to come if you don't want to come, Duane.
GK: I'll see you on the 18th.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well. Okay. If you want to.
GK: I want to.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So your book is coming okay then?
GK: It's coming fine.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You're not going to put any of this in it, are you?
GK: Any of what?
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You know, this. What I'm saying on the phone.
GK: No.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Because I thought I heard the little scritchscritchscritch of your ballpoint pen, honey.
GK: I'm scratching myself.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well stop it, Duane. I'm just glad we know where you are now-even if you are in there with some roadside dancer-and you don't have to tell me about it but just be careful Duane, is all--(TR MUMBLES, OFF) (SS OFF) I know Hank, I'm hanging up now. I'm hanging up right now just hold your horses. (ON) Listen I gotta go honey your dad is getting hungry and you know how he gets.
GK: Okay. Bye mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): But we'll see you on the 18th, and I'll put the green sheets on your bunkbed again. And I'll set out the purple towels.
GK: Okay mom.
SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): All right bye honey, love you.
GK: Bye mom.
(HANGUP)
(BAND PLAYOFF)