GK: So Cinco di Mayo was on Monday, and you invited a few friends over for a party. (CROWD MURMURING) 15 people crammed into your studio apartment (MORE PEOPLE ARRIVING), and each of them invited three or four people so you have a crowd jammed in tight (SQUEEZING) but you go ahead and make a whole lot of drinks-(BLENDER)--pina coladas, (SHAKING DRINK), margaritas, (BLENDER), thinking that if they drink enough, some people will lie down and you can stack them up and make room for the others -- and jello shots made of pineapple juice and Maraca Chacas (WOBBLE, SLURP)-people are dancing and happy (WHOOPS) and you hoist the pinata up from the chandelier (CHANDELIER SWINGS) and everybody gets a blindfold and a plunger handle, and you put on the music (MARIACHI MUSIC), and you set them loose. (DRUNKEN MOB SWINGING AT PINATA). They're all swinging away, (GLASS BREAKAGE, WATER SPILLAGE, GASPING FISH) and there goes your tropical fish tank and then (CROCKERY SMASHES) your aloe vera plant (CROCERY SMASHES), and your unicorn figurines (HIGH-PITCHED BREAKAGE), and then one of them connects with your kneecap (CRACK, WINCE), and you fall to the floor (THUD), and people are stepping on you (WINCE WINCE WINCE) and then someone notices (FN: Hey) and they call 911 (SIRENS), and an ambulance comes and takes you to Civic County Central Hospital for the Indigent and Confused (PARAMEDICS)--
GK: where they rush you in to the ER. And you sit there for awhile among people who are drunker than you are (TR: Hey --I used to know somebody just like you. Did you ever know anybody like me?)
GK: You sit there in the ER and meet people you never knew in college.
SS (DEEP): I came in because I have a Q-tip stuck in my ear. I went to a concert and it was so loud I had to put earplugs in except they weren't earplugs, they were lima beans, and somebody said, Hey Eunice, you got lima beans in your ears. I said, Gwan. Get out of here. And that's what it was. So I tried to get them out with a Q-tip. Shoved that way down there and now that's lost, too. I tell you, this is not my day.
FN (MAURICE): Hey there. What you in for? I just had anal fissure surgery. Feel better already. Hey, you need a watch? I got watches. I got keychains, too. You can never have enough keychains.
TR (DRUNK): Your name isn't Holly, is it? Or Molly?
GK: Hours and hours of this, and then a nurse comes in.
SS: Your friends brought you something. Thought you might want to entertain yourself.
GK: And it's the pinata.
(PINATA HOISTS UP)
SS: I'll put it right over your bed here. And here's a stick.
GK: And with that you heave at that pinata and (CRACK, SPLORT)-- mayonnaise.
FN (MAURICE, LAUGHS): Hey, it's mayonnaise. You got mayonnaise all over your face--
GK: A mayonnaise pinata. Five quarts of it. Cinco de Mayo. (THEME) Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(SINGS)
One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.