Garrison Keillor: We're in the Berkshires, the mountains of western Massachusetts, where tourists come to walk around picturesque villages (HORSE, CARRIAGE) from horse and buggy days and walk through the woods and see birds (SERIES OF BIRD CRIES) and maybe fish in the Housatonic River (CAST, SPLASH)
In Berkshire County people have fought off the invasions of the shopping mall world (SHOUTS, GUNFIRE, ARTILLERY) -- long battles waged to keep these towns from looking too suburban, and keep the shops small along Main Street-the fudge shops (SFX), the coffee shops (ESPRESSO), the ice cream shops--soft serve (SFX), hand-dipped, (SFX), or milkshakes (SFX) also a lot of folk art going on in the Berkshires. You can pick up some Shaker salad tongs (SFX)-you can have a chain saw bear made (SFX) and you can have that customized (SFX) -Yankee candle is also here, where they actually render down old Yankees into candles (SFX). If you get bored doing that, you can
Find buffalo on view, in a roadside park in Eastover (SFX)-or you can take the Berkshire Scenic Railway (SFX)
Or you can visit the Tanglewood Music Center, where we are in the Koussevitsky Shed, an open air venue so you sometimes have birds in the rafters (SFX), singing during the symphony (pterodactyl) when they do the 1812 Overture they have real cannons (VOLLEY OF CANNONS) and when they do Aida, they have (ELEPHANT). Sometimes a storm comes up (THUNDER, LIGHTNING) and the music goes on because the musicians don't worry about being struck by lightning -- that's what the conductor is for (LIGHTNING, CRY OF PAIN, VOLTAGE, BURNING) -- and the audience gets ready to dash to the parking lot as soon as the music ends (SHOUTS OF MOB, RUNNING) because with 7000 cars on narrow country roads, you can figure on traffic jams (HORNS, SHOUTS) and unless you figure out some other means of transportation (CHOPPER) such as a helicopter or a personal jet pack (SFX)
There are musicians around -- thousands of them -- there is a jazz festival at Tanglewood too (SAX) -- and once a man taught his dog to sing Gershwin's "Rhapsody In Blue" (DOG) -- there is the Shakespeare Company in Lenox which does outdoor performances of Shakespeare (SWORDPLAY. BUGLES) and that's very popular.
And they have cheesy fireworks other places -- they just do Roman candles (SFX), and sparklers (SFX) and cherry bombs (SFX) -and here they have designer fireworks (SFX: Oooooa, Aaaa) -- an American flag -- that one was a venti non fat Mocchaccino -- (SFX, Oooo, Ahhhh) --and there's one in the likeness of James Levine-and they got it just right-amazing-the glasses and that fuzzy hair and everything-(SFX, GIANT CAT, BARKING, Oooo, Aaaaaa)--and there's one for the dogs. The face of a giant cat in the sky (DOGS, FADING)...and now it's fading out...and they're lighting another one (FUSE, SFX) and it's off! And it says Powder Milk Biscuits...