Garrison Keillor: Has this ever happened to you-- you're in church (ORGAN QUIET) and it's right before you go up front for communion and you try to focus on it, and instead--
Sue Scott: (UP CLOSE, REVERB) Why did they serve just wine and bread at the Last Supper?-- Because it was potluck and only men were invited.
GK: It's a hushed moment in a sacred place, but your mind is full of jokes.
SS (REVERB): How did the apostles know what Jesus was getting for Christmas? They felt his presents.
GK: You go into a Quaker Meeting Hall and it's time to enter into a deep stillness so you can listen to your inner light and see if God is speaking through you and if you should stand up and share this illumination with others, but all you can think of is...
SS: (INTERIOR) So this guy named Norman starts a new choir while he's on a weight-loss diet of Tab Cola and fruit, so he calls it the "Norman Tab and Apple Choir."
GK: Everyone else is thinking about peace and brotherhood and there you are...
SS: (INTERIOR) So this guy from Utah wanted to become a novellist, but instead he went into carpentry and now he's a Mormon Nailer.
Tim Russell: If your mind wanders you can improve your concentration through brain stapling. Stapling closes off parts of your brain that are superfluous and only lead you down the wrong road. (STAPLE GUN) You only use about 5% of your brain anyhow so why hang onto a whole big thing you don't need. Downsize. Ask your doctor about brain stapling. Or better yet, call AAA Surgery today.
SS: I had my brain stapled and I've been completely focused ever since. I'm all business. I come home from work and I do more work until it's time to go to bed and then I sleep a deep sleep and wake up ready to go to work again.
GK: Insert Joke Here
GK: AAA Surgery. Walk-ins welcome. All credit cards accepted.
SS (SING): Get focused today
At Triple-A
Sur-ger-y.