Garrison Keillor: We know perfectly well that you don't draw a crowd to the Fabulous Fox theater just by having somebody talk about his childhood and tell jokes about Norwegians and maybe sing Kumbaya, no sir, this audience came to see a reenactment of the eruption of Mount St. Helens (SFX) with hot lava flowing down and tall trees falling and landslides and and also Wayne Elway and his tap dancing cat, Snowball (CAT, DANCING) those are little bottle caps on it's feet and also a reenactment of the sinking of the Titanic" (SHIP'S HORN, LONG CRUNCH, CRIES OF TERROR, ALARM, RUNNING FEET, MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS, VOICE ON P.A: To the boats! SAXOPHONE PLAYING: Nearer My God To Thee, CRUNCHING AND CRACKLING, BIG MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS AND SINKING) the sinking of the Titanic plus Sparky the seal (SEAL) and Wayne Elway gargling the "Flight of the Bumblebee" (GARGLING "BUMBLEBEE") it's all here, all on our stage, the show is continuous...
GK:
It's St. Louis...the Fabulous Fox
Here is your host, folks, he walks and he talks
He's got his own hair and a hundred dollar smile
He jumps through hoops and crawls like a reptile.
In a spangly suit and a big gold tooth
A picture of talent, glamour, and youth
Thank goodness we are on radio
And welcome to our show.
We have a fabulous band here tonight
Each one a soloist in his own right
The finest horn section that you ever saw
Not just a band, it's an orchestra
They're young and hip and yet well-behaved
In their white dinner jackets, so slick and so suave
Direct from Europe to St. Lou
Tonight on our stage for you.
Tim Russell: Hurra...Hurra...hurra...take your seats. The show is onstage. Get your souvenirs here folks - this forty-two page commemorative booklet with photographs of the show, many in full color, biographies, recipes, exclusive interviews, hilarious anecdotes, and a full page for autographs - yours for just two dollars! Don't go home with out it - step right up - correct change is appreciated!
GK:
A show in St. Louis at the Fabulous Fox
Mezzanine, Balcony, Orchestra, Box
Every seat is an excellent seat
And for your comfort we provide steam heat
The carpet is woven of a very plush pile
Attractive ushers in every aisle.
Music, comedy it's all here
Plus a great chandelier.
St. Louis, the home of Josephine Baker
Who went off to Paris, a dancer and shaker,
She danced in public in her birthday suit
Wearing a few strategic pieces of fruit.
And Mr. Chuck Berry, born in St. Louis,
Who wrote great songs and sang them to us
Johnny B. Goode, and Sweet Little Sixteen,
Roll Over Beethoven and Maybellene
Sue Scott: Welcome to the Fabulous Fox -- my name is Yvonne. I will be your usher this evening. Here is our menu of refreshments and libations. Simply place your order with me and I will bring it directly to your seat. Yes sir, the oysters are very good this evening and with those I recommend a white Bordeaux. May I bring you a pillow or a footrest - a newspaper? Yes sir, right away...
GK:
Hey folks do we have a show
Nothing like it anywhere in radio
Galloping horses (SFX) on our stage
A railroad train (SFX) narrow gauge
Cannons (SFX) rockets (SFX) all over the place
Bagpipes playing (SFX) Amazing Grace
Dancing Girls (SFX) and tigers too (SFX)
Here...on stage...for you...
We're in St. Louis, a fabulous town
The St. Louis Symphony, a band of renown,
And the Gateway Arch showing the way
The largest man-made monument today
They've got cobblestone streets and old gas lamps
And also the Cardinals, who are World Champs.
Whether you're Christian or Muslim or Jewish
Welcome to St. Louis.