Garrison Keillor: The big Missoula Radio Rodeo coming up this fall -- fall because it's cooler and bruises heal faster --- a benefit for Montana Public Radio --- there is dog racing in six different classes from mastiff (DOGS RACING BY) to Chihuahua (RUNNING CHIHUAHUA) --- there is the big Road Kill Cook-Off (COOKING, ADDING, POURING, MIXING) -- adding some light antifreeze there -- and it is served in a hubcap --- to dogs (WOOFS, EATING) -- there is skeet shooting using cellphones --- the cellphone rings (RINGING) and it's tossed in the air and (SHOTGUN BLAST) -- there is the bulldozer race (SFX), developers see who can make it through the forest first (WOOD BREAKAGE, TREES FALLING) and dig the foundations in the -- look out--- wasps --- (FN PLIMPTON ACCENT) --- no, not those wasps -- those wasps (BUZZING OF WASPS, WHO ARE SINGING "THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND") -- look out---- those are militant wasps -- (BULLDOZER ESCAPES) -- and here we have the SUV barrel race --- women drive SUVs around the parking lot and the aim is to snatch the toupee off the security guard (SUV RACING, GUY YELLS, CAR ACCEL) ---
Out there in the Clark Fork River we're ready for the steelhead trout dogging --- the contestant rides the powerboat (MOTOR, ON WAVES) alongside the trout and dives in and (THRASHING, WATER, GUY GRUNTING) bulldogs the fish into shore. Meanwhile, in the drainage ditch --- it's the Brahma dolphin ride (COWBOY WHOOP, DOLPHIN, THRASHING) -- and here is the Riding Mower race (SERIES OF MOWERS PASSING, HIGH SPEED) --- and now a radio announcer is going to be attached to that catapult (FN DIGNIFIED PROTEST) and winched back (WINCHING) and he's going to be flung over 14 doublewide mobile homes and into the river-- are you ready, sir? (FN DIGNIFIED PROTEST) -- (BOINNNNGGGGGG) (SPLASH)
The Radio Rodeo, coming up in Missoula.