Tim Russell: These are the good years for Barb and me. Barb enrolled in a cleansing program which means that she goes without coffee, tea, or animal fats for two weeks, and it also means that she has dreams every night in which her body is covered with maggots. I bought a beautiful leatherbound 2006 day planner now that the price is down and I got a free subscription to the Wall Street Journal. So now I understand what we should have done with our money ten years ago. We should have been happy. But then the other day I came in from burying a dead chipmunk and found Barb with the phone in her hand, about to dial-- who are you calling, Barb?
Sue Scott: I've decided I need a life coach, Jim. I feel incompetent to make even simple decisions. I avoid tasks. I need focus.
TR: Barb, you're a wonderful wife, you're a --- well--- okay, maybe not that. You're a terrific Scrabble player. You remember every episode of the Simpsons. You're good at -- a lot of things.
SS: I talked to this terrific life coach last week and I just feel it would make an enormous difference in my life.
TR: This wouldn't happen to be that little guy with the short shorts who came around last Thursday?
SS: His name is Trevor, Jim. And I wouldn't call them short shorts.
TR: A grown man in shorts, Barb? It's just not right. Not in September. And a cutoff T-shirt?
SS: I talked to Trevor and in ten minutes he helped me see how out of touch I am with my authentic passion.
TR: Barb-- he perms his hair.
SS: Jim, the kids are gone. They're in protective therapy in an undisclosed location and it's time for me to focus on me. And that's why Trevor is going to come and help me with realizing my goals. And ---
TR: I wonder if you're getting enough ketchup, Barb. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you find the passion within yourself. So you don't have to pay a stranger to do it for you.
SS: Oh, Jim-I don't know what to say.
TR: Don't say anything. That's my secret.
Rich Dworsky (SINGS):
These are the good times,
For sunsets and long walks,
Leaves are turning,
Pumpkins and cornstalks
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on your lox
Garrison Keillor: Ketchup, for the good times
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.