Garrison Keillor: ...right after this message. (BLEAK ORGAN)
Sue Scott (OLD LADY): I was all alone for Thanksgiving, watching the parade on TV and eating a crummy dinner that the church sent over and waiting for the phone to ring. Which I didn't really expect, but you know---. My children have their own lives. I understand that. They've got big fancy houses and that's a lot of work to keep up and who am I? Just their mother, that's all. (HEARTS AND FLOWERS VIOLIN) Probably they were busy cooking and entertaining on Thanksgiving and it just slipped their minds that maybe they could give their Mom a call and ask how she's doing -- not so good. Not so good. And that's why I called up the nice people at Baker, Barter, Burstyn & Barnes.
(ORGAN MARCH)
Tim Russell: This is Mike Burstyn. We at Baker, Barter, Burstyn & Barnes are proud of our litigation in behalf of elderly parents against ungrateful children who never call them. We've established the principle that a parent can, if he or she chooses, recover in court every dime you spent on a kid, including compensation for mental anguish. In other words, we sue the bejeebers out of them. Right now there are hundreds of boomers who aren't flying to Barbados or paying $4 for a cup of coffee because they have to pay damages to their parents who they never even bothered to thank. Well, now the shoe is on the other foot.
(SOFT ORGAN)
SS (OLD LADY): Now that I won $6 million court settlement against my rotten kids, I don't give a rip whether they call me up or not -- I'm going to Honolulu for Christmas and go snorkeling and swim with dolphins and have a whee of a time. Thanks, Baker, Barter, Burstyn & Barnes.
TR: If your children are neglecting you, you can recover up to $100,000 per child for each year you supported them. Call us today. We're in the Yellow Pages under Attorneys.