(ORGAN)
Garrison Keillor: It all began with a Tupperware dish of orange Jell-O with miniature marshmallows, mandarin orange slices, and sliced bananas, that was found in the church refrigerator. It was covered with plastic wrap with a note taped to it that said "DO NOT REMOVE."
Sue Scott: Boy, interesting. Look at that, wouldja.
GK: The note was written in black marker, all capital letters. DO NOT REMOVE. And so nobody did. The Jell-O sat in the refrigerator for six months and people opened the door now and then and looked at it--
SS: I wonder whose Jell-O that is. Must be somebody's.
GK: But nobody dared to disobey the sign because the letters were so big and dark. Even as the Jell-O changed from orange to green and it grew hair and it gave off low vibrations (FAINT THROBBING OF HEARTBEAT), it remained in the church refrigerator.
SS: Boy, is this nuts or what? I feel like I can hear it talking.
Tom Keith (LOW THROBBING VOICE, W REVERB): I was -- and I am now -- and I shall not be removed.
Tim Russell (MINN): This your Jell-O in here, Marge? The one that used to be orange?
SS: No-- am I off my rocker or is it talking?
TR (MINN): By gosh, you're right -- there's a big crack in it and it's moving.
SS: What is it saying?
TR (MINN): Can't tell. I vote we throw it in the garbage.
(TK THROBBING, GETS ANGRY)
SS: The Jell-O doesn't like that idea. It's trying to tell us something. (TK VOICE THROBBING, SLOW, SOFT BLIPS) Oh for heaven's sake. Look at that. (SERIES OF SOFT MUSICAL BLOOPS, AS OF Jell-O COMPUTER) Those sliced bananas are moving around in there -- and the maraschino cherry is blinking.
TR (MINN): The mandarin oranges are revolving.
SS: There is some kind of intelligent design going on here.
(CELLPHONE RING)
TR (MINN): Whose cellphone is that? Isn't mine.
SS: Must be mine. (CELLPHONE RING) In my purse. Just a sec. (OPENS CELLPHONE) Yeah, this is Marge. (TK THROB AT OTHER END) I see. -- (TO TR) It's him. The Jell-O. -- Yes, I'm listening. (TK THROB AT OTHER END) He just put me on call waiting.
TR: The Jell-O has call waiting? Who the heck is calling him? The yogurt?
SS: Shh. He's back. (TO PHONE) Yes, I'm here. All right. (TK THROB) Okay. (TK THROB) Yes, sir. Right away. (TK THROB) You too. Bye.
TR (MINN): So what did it say?
SS: It told me not to tell anybody.
TR (MINN): Give me a hint.
SS: I promised not to tell.
TR (MINN): Did it say anything about me?
SS: No. Close the door to the fridge. (CLOSE DOOR) He told me-- all you need is love.
TR (MINN): Oh. Interesting.
SS: What's going on in there?
TR (MINN): What do you mean?
SS: I hear singing.
TR (MINN): In there?
SS: In the fridge. Open it.
TR (MINN): Okay....(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
AUDIENCE:
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.
(DOOR CLOSE)
TR (MINN): That's scary. Sounded to me like the whole darn congregation wound up in the refrigerator.
SS: It's like a mystical vision or something.
TR (MINN): Maybe we better go upstairs and forget all about this, Marge.
SS: Maybe we imagined it. Open the door again.
TR (MINN): I donno.
SS: Go ahead. Open it.
TR (MINN): Okay. (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
AUDIENCE:
Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
La Te Da
(DOOR CLOSE)
TR (MINN): Okay, that's it. We'll call a truck, have this whole thing hauled away.
SS: What's the problem?
TR (MINN): The problem is, we got the youth group coming in here pretty soon. What if they open up the fridge and --
SS: And what? What's wrong?
TR (MINN): They open up the fridge and see that Jell-O in there shaking like that?
SS: Was it shaking?
TR (MINN): You didn't see it dancing?
SS: Open up the door again, let me see.
TR (MINN): Okay, but this is the last time. (DOOR OPENS)
AUDIENCE:
A well'a bless my soul
What'sa wrong with me?
I'm itchin' like a man on a fuzzy tree
My friends say I'm actin' queer as a bug
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, I'm all shook up.
Well, my hands are shaky and my knees are weak
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet
Who do you think of when you have such luck?
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, I'm all shook up.
(DOOR CLOSE)
TR (MINN): We need some coffee, Marge. Strong black coffee. I'll be right back.
GK: She put a sign on the refrigerator door that said, DO NOT OPEN. Which meant of course that whenever people were alone in the church kitchen, they opened the refrigerator door and when they did, they got a big surprise.
AUDIENCE:
You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out,
You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!
(DOOR CLOSE)
GK: Nobody dared tell anybody else what they had heard for fear they'd be thrown in the loony bin, so it was a secret, and people would sneak down to the fridge to see what the Jell-O was singing today.
AUDIENCE:
And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll soon be gone
They'll dig a hole, and throw the dirt in
I've lived a life that's full
I've been a good and jolly fellow
And more, much more than this, I ate the Jell-O
I've lived a life that's full
Though I was not a great pianist
But I ate Jell-O, lemon-lime, with sliced bananas.
I've lived a life that's full
Though I am Lutheran, not Latino.
I had bananas, oranges, and maraschino.
GK: He poured some coffee in a cup and made her drink it and (MUSIC STOPS) pretty soon she was herself again and everything was as it should be.
SS: I better throw that Jell-O out. It's been here for months. (SPLAT)
TR (MINN): Yeah, it's nothing I'd care to eat, I'll tell you that.
SS: I don't know why I'm so tired. I haven't done anything.
TR (MINN): Well, you've been doing more than you might think.
SS: What's that supposed to mean.?
TR (MINN): Here, have some more coffee.
(MUSIC BUTTON)