Garrison Keillor: And now this message from the Executive Vice-President for Marketing here at Prairie Home Productions, Mr. Lee Lynch.... Lee.
Lee Lynch: Thank you, Carson. It's a brand-new season of A Prairie Home Companion and all of us in the Prairie Home family are tremendously excited. Our six vice-presidents and I went on a two-week retreat and brainstorming session in Provence and it was productive and we've decided to reposition the show and restructure our strategy to meet the challenges of the shift of paradigms and set new standards of excellence, and to do that, we're going to change the name of the show to PraiHocom.
GK: PraiHocom?
LL: That's right.
GK: Do you know what hokum means?
LL: The name is PraiHocom.
GK: Why?
LL: Market surveys show that PraiHocom will attract 16.3 million evangelicals to the audience within the first six months.
GK: That's insane.
LL: We'll see about that. Here's a PowerPoint show I've prepared for the Public Radio Station Managers Conference......
GK: What?
LL: Dim the lights, please.
GK: It's radio, they're already dim.
(DELAWARE MUSIC)
TR: At PraiHoCom, we make what we make to make your way of life the way your life is. The way you want it to be. The way it should be.
Because at PraiHoCom, people are our most important asset when it comes to customer satisfaction coupled with a unique dedication to shareholder value.
Because at PraiHoCom, our long history of going above and beyond has fostered leadership in an industry full of potential while meeting and exceeding expectations both large and small.
Because at PraiHoCom, we do what we do best so that you can do what you do which is even better.
Because at PraiHoCom, the bottom line is all about quality and a special synergy and doing both the right thing and the right thing for business in a business that's all about quality and special synergy while focusing on the bottom line.
Why? Because we're PraiHoCom.
LL: I'm Lee Lynch, Executive Vice-President and Vice-Chairman of PraiHoCom. My vision is to re-engineer our restructuring strategy of empowerment to meet the challenges of the paradigm shift with a tradition of excellence and a team of team players second to none in order to achieve my restructuring strategy vision. It's just what we do at PraiHoCom.
TR: PraiHoCom: a company like every other, only more so. Why? Because we care. (MUSIC OUT)
GK: That's horrible.
LL: I knew you'd say that.
GK: I can't stand it.
LL: Get used to it.
GK: I can't.
LL: You will.
GK: I won't.
LL: You will.
GK: Will not.
LL: Will too.
GK: I can't.
LL: You will.
GK: I won't.
LL: You will.
GK: Will not.
LL: Will too.
GK: I can't.
LL: You will.
GK: I won't.
LL: You will.
GK: Will not.
LL: Will too.
GK: I can't.
LL: You will.
GK: I won't.
LL: You will.
GK: Will not.
LL: Will too.
GK: I can't.
LL: You will.
GK: I won't.
LL: You will.
GK: Will not.
LL: Will too.
GK: Oh yeah?
LL: Yeah.
GK: Sez who?
LL: Sez me.
GK: You and whose army?
LL: What are you doing?
GK: I'm picking you up (HE STRAINS) and I'm throwing you off the cliff into those shark-infested waters-- (LL CRY, FALLING, SPLASH, SHARKS. BASS CHORDS)