Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. Jim slipped on the ice last week and hit the side of his head and he has been a lot more agreeable ever since. It's been freezing cold and so I haven't had to go anywhere or do anything for a couple weeks now. I just get up around noon and take a shower and go back to bed and read books and eat cherry creams and sleep. I went online to get my e-mail and got this Internet Casino pop-up and I was winning at poker for awhile and then the screen froze and I haven't heard from them yet but I expect to get a check in the mail any day now. We should have been happy. And then we made the mistake of trying to communicate.
Tim Russell: (HUMMING)
SS: Jim, I have something I need to discuss with you.
TR: Yes?
SS: Jim, I want to move my mother in with us.
TR: (LONG PAUSE)
SS: I know the two of you haven't been close and I realize that her assessment of you was harsh at the beginning, but -- she's family and I want her to live here with us and not out in assisted living with some strangers giving her a bath when you and I could be doing it.......
TR: (LONG PAUSE)
SS: So what do you think?
TR: Well, I think it's something we ought to talk about.
SS: That's what we're doing right now.
TR: We don't have room.
SS: What are you talking about? The kids' rooms are empty, and we have the guest bedroom--
TR: But I was planning on using those rooms.
SS: For what?
TR: Exercise.
SS: All of them?
TR: I like moving from room to room. It's meditative.
SS: Jim, we got that treadmill a year ago and you haven't used it except to keep your printer on.
TR: But... isn't your mother allergic to dogs?
SS: Jim, we don't have a dog.
TR: I've always wanted a dog.
SS: Jim, this is ridiculous.
TR: Barb... your mother is a very nice woman. I don't mind the oyster casserole. And I don't mind helping her put on her support stockings-but-what if we have to watch the gameshow channel? I don't think I can take it.
SS: Jim, why don't we talk about this over a nice big helping of ketchup? Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help you let go of your petty selfishness and open your heart to those in need.
Rich Dworsky (SINGING): These are the good times, snow upon the boughs,
In-laws are coming
To live inside your house
Life is flowing,
Like ketchup on ruffed grouse.
Garrison Keillor: Ketchup, for the good times...