SS: Come in and have a seat.
TR (BUSH): Thank you very much. Good to be here.
SS: I haven't seen you for awhile.
TR (BUSH): Nope. Been busy. Travelling around. Taking off my jacket, rolling up my sleeves. Getting the job done. Four more years. You want me to lie down or sit?
SS: Whatever's more comfortable.
TR (BUSH): Maybe I'll just lie down. (CHUCKLES) Wake me up if I fall asleep. You're not going to write a book about this someday, are you?
SS: Of course not. All of my patients enjoy complete confidentiality.
TR (BUSH): Just making sure. I like to run a tight ship.
SS: The confidentiality of medical records--there isn't a court in this land that wouldn't defend that.
TR (BUSH): I'm not so sure about that. (CHUCKLES) I appointed some of those people. (CHUCKLES) Anyway...
SS: Where should we start today? How are you?
TR (BUSH): I'm doing great. The war is a success and we're bringing democracy to people who never had it before. The economy is turning the corner. We are creating new jobs. We are deregulating. Cutting back government. Upholding values.
SS: Then why did you come in to see me?
TR (BUSH): Well, I donno, maybe I'm asking you to vote for me. (CHUCKLES) Just kidding. I know all you psychiatrists are Democrats.
SS: How does that make you feel?
TR (BUSH): I feel just fine. No pro-blemo. You go ahead and vote for Kerry and see what it gets you.
SS: You're blinking again.
TR (BUSH): Am I? I wasn't aware of that.
SS: You're blinking rather rapidly and you have a strange smile on your face. Are you aware of that?
TR (BUSH): Is that why people hate me? Cause I smile the wrong way?
SS: Do you feel that people hate you?
TR (BUSH): My daddy told me to wipe the smirk off my face. Told me more than once.
SS: Was that scary?
TR (BUSH): He thought I was dumb. Well, you tell me, how dumb is it when you're able to cut back enforcement of safety standards in the coal mines and then when a mine collapses up in Pennsylvania and nine miners are rescued, I fly up there and congratulate 'em and get my picture taken--how dumb is that? I'll tell you, that's a whole lot smarter than anything he did. Went and visited the job training centers and congratulated 'em on the great job they were doing and came back and cut 'em right out of the budget. (CHUCKLES) It's getting so people don't like to be photographed with me. (CHUCKLES)
SS: Last time you came to see me, you were telling me about a dream you'd had.
TR (BUSH): Oh? What was that?
SS: You showed up for a final exam and you hadn't been to any of the classes.
TR (BUSH): No, that wasn't a dream. That really happened. Whole bunch of times. That's when my daddy got mad. But the lady with the white hair said she thought I was the smartest kid of the bunch. She told me that.
SS: Are you close to your mother?
TR (BUSH): Why do you ask that?
SS: Does the question make you uncomfortable?
TR (BUSH): No, not at all. I'm just surprised you'd ask that.
SS: Why are you surprised?
TR (BUSH): I think you're out to damage the morale of our troops by portraying their Commander in Chief as a mama's boy. Is that the game here?
SS: I'm trying to help.
TR (BUSH): I don't think that's helping--to suggest that the Commander in Chief is some kind of sissy.
SS: Did you think I was saying that?
TR (BUSH): I think a lot of you Democrats are saying that. But I think we need to speak with one voice and be consistent and be strong, otherwise we play into the hands of our enemies. And I intend to go on doing that.
SS: So what would you like to talk about today?
TR (BUSH): Well, I donno. Maybe talk about-- well, no. Guess not. That would not be consistent.
SS: Are you worried about the election?
TR (BUSH): I am worried that people may use the election to send mixed signals to other countries and to evildoers. And this will weaken us. Security is my No. 1 priority, you know.
SS: Is it really?
TR (BUSH): Yes, it is. Why do you question that?
SS: Do you feel threatened when I ask that question?
TR (BUSH): How'd you know that?
SS: The way you were blinking.
TR (BUSH): Oh. Well-- (HE CHUCKLES). Dreamed I was in Florida. With Jeb. There were gators chasing us. And we tried to distract 'em by throwing big bushel baskets full of ballots at 'em. Hundreds of thousands.
SS: What happened then?
TR (BUSH): Woke up and Laura was yelling at me to quit hogging the covers.
SS: That's an interesting dream.
TR (BUSH): I forgot to say. The lady with the white hair was there and she was the one who shot the gators.
SS: So she saved you?
TR (BUSH): Yeah.
SS: Who else was in the dream?
TR (BUSH): My daddy. He told me he likes John Kerry more than he likes me. He's going to vote for John Kerry.
SS: Are you sure about that?
TR (BUSH): I've got that feeling.
SS: And how does that make you feel?
TR (BUSH): I feel good. Ever since they put this little box on my back, I've felt terrific.
SS: I noticed that.
TR (BUSH): I've felt just really good since they put that in. Really enjoyed being President.
SS: So what are you going to say to your dad about who he should vote for?
TR (BUSH): I've got other ways of dealing with that.
SS: What do you mean?
TR (BUSH): I've been in a lot of photographs with my daddy, arm around him, grinning at the camera.
SS: What do you mean?
TR (BUSH): He's getting nervous. He's thinking about it.
SS: Okay, thank you, Mr. President. You can leave by this back door here.
(MUSIC OFF)