GK: Super Bowl Sunday means that ten people are coming over to your house for about twice as long as any party should last unless ---- you get the new Fast Forward Remote from Fritz Electronics. It lets you skip right past the commercials and the halftime show, and just watch the game.
SS: It's wonderful! The game is over in about an hour and Dave's friends are still able to operate a motor vehicle.
GK: The Fast Forward Remote ---- how'd you ever come up with a thing like that, Fritz?
TR (FRITZ): I donno. I was working on making a garage door opener that would also call the dog and I crossed some wires and the whoozits got connected to the whatchamacallits and I come up with this.
GK: A sort of Time Machine.
TR (FRITZ): Yeah, you could say that.
GK: But it only works on the TV, right.
TR (FRITZ): Well, there've been a couple accidents.
GK: What happened?
TR (FRITZ): Well, the lawyers would rather I didn't say anything yet while we're still negotiating a settlement.
GK: What happened?
TR (FRITZ): Oh some teenagers were messing around with it and pointing it at each other and all of a sudden they were bachelor men in their mid-fifties who were in love with fourteen-year-old girls. .
GK: So it is a Time Machine.
TR (FRITZ): Well, we put the warning right on the thing, Do Not Point At Human Beings, Only At TV Set.
GK: The Fast Forward Remote relieves the tedium and concentrates the game into the intense experience that football is meant to be.
(INTENSE AUDIENCE CHEER)
SS: Nice of you to drop by. See you next year.
GK: The Fast Forward Remote from Fritz ---- Use Only At Directed, Do Not Aim At Other People.