GK: It's May and the sound of the roto-tiller is in the air (GARDEN TRACTOR) digging up the garden so we can put in the peas so we can eat creamed peas in June. And the sound of the lawn mower is heard (MOWER), cutting the grass so that we will not be a disgrace to the neighborhood.
The sensuous pleasure of fresh vegetables.
The pressure of social norms.
And the sound of the chainsaw (CHAINSAW), taking down the dead tree (CRACKING AND CRUNCHING). And the sound of the weed-whacker (WEEDWHACKER), keeping the wilderness off the lawn.
And the fishing season opens this weekend (BOAT MOTOR, TROLLING), the guy heading out on the lake to do battle with the wily walleye. (MOTOR CONKS OUT) Forgot to fill it with gas. But the chainsaw has plenty of gas so he (CHAINSAW) holds that down in the water and it propels the boat, slowly.
And now he notices the mosquitoes gathering around him. (MOSQUITO) Or is that a weed-whacker? No, it's mosquitoes. Enormous Minnesota mosquitoes. He tries to drive them off with the weed-whacker (SWINGING WEED WHACKER) and he gets a few, but the rest are about to get him, when a giant bat comes winging over the water (WINGS FLAPPING, SONAR) and suddenly the mosquitoes are no more. Our friend the fruit bat.
TR: An important ally in the fight against mosquitoes.
GK: Fred Farrell, the head of the Metropolitan Mosquito Management Program.
TR: We also have mosquito plows. Snowplow trucks but with huge plates of glass on the front and they drive around really fast and every hour or so they stop and wash the mosquitoes off the glass. (SNOWPLOW TRUCK PASSING) Hundreds of them. And we have our mosquito traps all around the Twin Cities area. These are naked white men tied to trees and covered with sugar. (MAN, IN AGONY) CEOs who've been convicted of stock fraud or dipping into the employee's retirement fund and this is their form of community service.
GK: Being tied to a tree and bitten by mosquitoes. Interesting.
© Garrison Keillor 2003