SS: I did everything I could to keep my boys from learning about guns. I played them Baby Mozart tapes (PIANO) and I encouraged them with fingerpainting (SQUISHES) and I read them gentle books ----- Goodnight moon, goodnight old lady whispering hush (CHILD SNORING) ---- and I took them to museums (FOOTSTEPS. TR, MUFFLED, SLIGHTLY DISTORTED, ON BAD SLIDE-PROJECTION SYSTEM AUDIO: Italy was very important in the Renaissance, especially Florence and Venice, with the work of Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci) and I sent them to take ballet (PIANO) and always I taught them to work out the differences through negotiation, but somehow they still got the idea of firearms (KID MAKING PISTOL SOUNDS. TR KID: You're dead. I got you.) and I'd come home and find my children tearing around the house like crazy people (KID SHOOTING) aiming pistols at each other. I brought my kids up to be Democrats and they turned into Republicans.
TR (BUSH): And that's because kids basically are Republicans. When they go off to college they maybe get messed up with a lot of book nonsense that turns them into Democrats, but when you're eleven years old, you are a Republican. Make no mistake about it. And there's nothing wrong with guns. Guns don't kill people: ammunition does.
GK: Your child's natural urge toward Republicanism should not be frustrated. Learn to accept it. It's simply the way things are.
TR (KID): We're never going to get the economy moving until we
eliminate the tax on stock dividends, Mom.
GK: And maybe your child's turn toward the right reflects something you've
considered too.
SS: But I'm a lifelong Democrat. I took part in the civil rights struggle, women's lib, the environmental movement ---- and yet----
GK: Admit it.
SS: I love driving a truck. I love it. I don't care if it gets 5 miles to the gallon. And if they ever try to take it away from me, they're going to have to take away my pistol too. (SHOTS)
TR: Deep down, don't you wish you were a Republican?
GK: We're all Republicans now,
We've all come around somehow
If you're unemployed
Don't be annoyed,
We're all Republicans now.
Our foreign policy's free.
We're working pre-emptively.
We need a tax-break to help out the Dow,
Forget about deficits they don't matter nohow.
When the sign lights up that says Applause,
Clap your hands and smile because
We're all Republicans
We're all Republicans
We're all Republicans now
© Garrison Keillor 2003