TR (BUSH): I believe that political parties need to keep up with
the times. Deal with changing realities. And be a positive force for good.
That's why I have moved to take over the Democratic Party and make it
responsive to the American people. And to destroy any weapons of mass
persuasion that it may still possess. We are going to rebuild the Democratic
party and make it more effective, and so I have appointed Dick Cheney
to be the Democratic nominee for president. He will represent all segments
of the Democratic party and together we'll have a presidential election
that isn't just a lot of name-calling about things that have already been
settled. Americans
have always been able to accomplish great things when we're united. And
now we'll be united as never before. Thank you very much and God bless
America.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
TR: Why do people become Democrats?
SS: I guess it made me feel good. I was having problems. It just
seemed like a cool thing at the time. And it was late at night.
TR: Teach your kids to resist peer pressure. No matter how cool it may seem, the Democratic party is not an acceptable option. Make sure your kids know that. It leads to a temporary high, followed by depression, anxiety, anger. It distorts perception. You may have a hard time remembering things that happen. How can you tell if your child is becoming a Democrat? He or she starts to lose interest in other areas of their lives, such as shopping, sports, jokes.
SS: I'm glad my parents cared. They stepped in when they saw things were going too far. They got me into a Republican youth group.
TR: Stay informed, Know the Risks, Be Aware, Stay in Control.
Being a Democrat impairs your judgment and leads to unwise decisions and
possibly to sexual activity.
SS: I took medications and those helped and group support was important,
but most important was the fact that my parents cared enough to tell me
what to think.
TR: Be What You Want To Be. Democrat Free.
GK: A message from the People For a United America.
© Garrison Keillor 2003